Do You Need Therapy? 8 Warning Signs You Need it Now
Plus, let’s break the stigma
It’s the spring semester of my freshman year of college and I was struggling. Sure, college life was fun. I was finally on my own, making my own rules, making new friends, all that good stuff.
But I had two classes that were just breaking me down from every angle. Chemistry and Physics disguised as “astronomy” to be specific.
No matter what I did, I couldn’t figure my way around those two classes, and it showed on my test grades and my GPA. I was #HURT because, since kindergarten, I’d always gotten good grades, so this was foreign to me.
Once that semester wrapped up, the school took notice and put me on academic probation to give me a chance to redeem myself from that horrible semester. This meant that in the spring I had to attend an academic probation “class” every week and attend 10 therapy sessions.
This is where my life changed.
I’m not going to therapy, there’s not even anything wrong with me, I’m good.
Give it a chance
I’d never thought about counseling before this point, so naturally, I was hesitant to sit down and open myself up to some random person, plus I didn’t even feel like I had anything to talk about.
But I’ll tell you what, during that first session, that therapist brought so much stuff out of me that I didn’t even KNOW I was holding on to.
I felt such a huge weight lifted after just one session, but I also had the reality check of, “wow, I actually do need therapy.” And from that point forward, I looked forward to every session, and it not only transformed my college experience but how I approached the world and dealt with my inner thoughts and feelings.
I bet you wish you knew what I talked about in that session, don’t you?? or maybe not. Either way, I’m going to give you an overview of how to know when you need therapy, the signs to pay attention to, and the steps you can take so you don’t wait until it’s too late.
Therapy on the rise
Therapy has become a buzzword over the recent years, and for good reason. Anxiety and depression are on the rise, and we are constantly bombarded with information, stress, expectations, and countless other things that can throw off your mental and emotional wellness.
Not to mention the presence of our past experiences or traumas that impact your day to day life.
It’s pretty unreasonable to expect someone to be able to handle EVERYTHING on their own without breaking down or needing help at some point.
Breaking the Stigma
The stigma of mental health and therapy has a long history of blocking people from taking care of themselves in a healthy way because of the negative perceptions of seeing a therapist. If you put the lens on the black community, for example, you’ll see how prevalent this truly is. For generations, messages like this get regularly reinforced:
- “What happens in this house stays in this house.”
- “Therapy is for crazy people.”
- “What’s talking to someone going to do, that won’t fix anything.”
Also, as black people, we feel we won’t be able to find someone who relates to our needs, our culture, and challenges. Which is also very valid. As a black therapist myself, I’ve even had trouble finding another black therapist that fits me.
All this to say, there’s a mix of rational and irrational stigma when it comes to mental health, both of which need to be eliminated.
This thinking is highly detrimental to the process of seeking help, and it keeps people stuck in their pain, while there’s help waiting for them the whole time.
Of course, this is all easier said than done, and much like other issues in the world, it will take consistent time and effort to truly break the stigma and create the freedom to seek the help you need without feeling weak, judged, or less for doing so.
It’s ok to not be ok
Recognize the signs
If the stigma part isn’t an issue for you, and you’re like “I want a therapist, but “I don’t’ know if that’s what I truly need.” This is a normal place to be and being able to see the signs screaming “you need a therapist is also an important part of making the right decision.
These signs can be easily missed because we’re conditioned to strive for “happiness” and “positivity” and believe that “oh, it’ll get better”.
The problem here is it causes you to ignore what’s really going on because you feel like you have to maintain happiness even if that’s not how you’re actually feeling. It’s ok to not to be ok; the key is knowing what to do when you reach that point.
Common Signs
Here are some common examples of a sign that something might be “off in your life.
- You have constant conflict in your relationships that don’t get resolved.
- Your emotions fluctuate and you feel a lack of control.
- You’re bottling things in more, and feeling isolated.
- Your stress levels are increased even though it seems like everything around you is normal.
The signs will vary for each person but becoming more aware of the changes in your life and the way you interact with the world is one of the first steps in answering if you need therapy or not.
So can you just tell me if I need therapy or not?
I’ve talked about overcoming stigma and becoming more self-aware, which are useful in making your decision about therapy.
But I know you came here to find exact ways of knowing if you need therapy or not.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this because the signs that you need therapy can be wildly different from why someone else needs it. But, even still! I compiled a list of obvious and less obvious ways to answer, “Do I need therapy right now?” Let’s get into it.
1. You bottle things up
I used to be super guilty of this and I’ll tell you right now, it’s not beneficial at all. Sure it makes you feel better in the moment because it allows you to avoid something that’s bothering you, but in the long run, it can have significantly detrimental effects.
On a physiological level, it increases your stress hormone levels (cortisol), which affect your sleep, appetite, immune system, weight fluctuations, and overall emotional stability.
On a mental level, it leads to feeling misunderstood, lonely, and emotionally disconnected from others.
There are various reasons we suppress our thoughts and feelings.
If you do this regularly then a therapist can help you by giving you a place to express everything you’ve been holding in and uncovering why you suppress it in the first place.
Look, I used to hold things in myself but once I experienced letting it all out, It was extremely freeing and relieving.
2. You’re emotionally on edge
If you find yourself getting emotionally triggered more often or easier than usual, that may be a sign that some underlying issue is pulling on you and telling you it needs to be addressed.
You may be overlooking by saying things like, “oh, it’s not that bad,” “that was just this time,” or “it wasn’t that serious.” But in actuality, it’s an important factor to pay attention to, so it doesn’t continue to build up.
It doesn’t take much for frustration, anger, sadness, resentment to reach a point where you’re ready to explode on someone.
The crazy part is, you’d likely blow up over something relatively “small” all because you didn’t handle the main problem early enough.
A good therapist will help you relieve this tension and create strategies to manage your emotions in a healthier way.
3. You Self-Sabotage
You know you’re capable, you know you want more for yourself, you know you’re worth more! But for some people, you block yourself from getting it.
It may be intentional or unintentional, but when you don’t feel worthy or ready for the great things waiting for you, you strategically destroy any opportunity for progress or success.
It can be with work, relationships, finances, personal health, etc. But this is self-sabotage at it’s finest, and it stems from us not believing in ourselves and our ability to handle more.
This limits your present and future self and is a sign that some work in the self-worth, personal needs, and strengths area is needed. If you find yourself doing this, talking to a therapist would be a great way to find out why.
4. You wake up unhappy
Every day is a clean slate to start fresh and make the day into what you want it to be, but if you’ve noticed your days start off feeling kinda “blah” that could be a sign of mental or emotional distress that’s suppressing your ability to feel happiness.
This can also be a sign of symptoms of depression, which is defined as:
A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.
It often gets categorized as “just being sad,” but it’s way beyond that. It’s a state of mental and physical being that’s very difficult to shake.
Determining if you have depression is best done through working with a licensed therapist who can professionally diagnose you.
Check the scale
In the meantime, reflect on how you feel when your days start and rate your mood on a scale of 0–10
0= totally at peace.
10= Feeling unbearably bad, out of control, overwhelmed. Or feeling so upset you don’t want to talk because you can’t imagine how anyone could possibly understand your agitation.
If you’ve been leaning on the upper end of the scale, then talking to a therapist can help you figure out what’s causing it and provide you with strategies to help you overcome it.
5. You have frequent toxic relationships
Relationships, in general, are hard because they take work, consistency, and sacrifice.
However, if you find yourself frequently ending up in relationships that are mentally and emotionally destructive and bring more hurt than happiness, then it’s time to re-evaluate your process for getting into those relationships.
Now, sometimes bad relationships happen, and can’t always be avoided. But when you start seeing a pattern of this occurrence, you have to begin looking at your role in the situation and if there’s a way to change it.
Talking with a therapist will help you see what’s leading you into these relationships, what you get out of it, and how you can restructure your approach to get more of what you actually want.
6. You Recently ended a relationship
The ending of a relationship is a very difficult time mentally and emotionally, and it can leave you feeling lost in life because it’s like a piece of your identity was taken from you.
Confusion, sadness, anger, and feeling unworthy are all feelings that can arise from an ended relationship.
Moving forward seems impossible especially when it’s fresh.
Having someone on your side who can hear you out, let you cry, or just build you up is invaluable at a time like this.
Also, the opportunity to receive an unbiased perspective is helpful because it will help you see things clearer and give you the tools to take the right steps forward that will serve you best.
7. You don’t trust others
If I asked you who you trust the most, without even thinking, who is the first person that comes to mind?
Why do you trust them and how long did it take you to do so?
You see, feeling comfortable and being able to trust others is something most of us want to be able to do, but in reality, it’s not all that easy.
In some cases, we have a strong sense of distrust in others, and we tend to avoid close or intimate encounters out of fear of how they will use it against us or hurt us.
It’s normal to feel this way, but it keeps you mentally and emotionally isolated, which affects the quality of the relationships you’re able to create.
If this is a theme in your life, it would be beneficial to get insight into where your distrust stems from and how it’s impacted your current well being and relationships.
8. You don’t feel worthy
Feeling proud, confident, and deserving of who we are and what we’ve accomplished is something we all want, but there are times where it just doesn’t come that easy.
Recognizing your true value and worth is an important aspect of your well being. But when you constantly feel unworthy, it causes you to accept things that don’t serve you from your career, relationships, and even yourself.
This ends up validating your thoughts of unworthiness and, as a result, you end up getting stuck in a loop of feeling unworthy, accepting less in your life, and preventing yourself from the happiness and success you want because you don’t feel like it’s for you.
This thought process comes from somewhere though and if you haven’t been able to pin-point on your own, that’s a good time to consider bringing a therapist into your life.
They can help you recognize where it comes from and make the proper changes so you can begin, embracing what you truly deserve and acknowledging just how worthy you really are.
Conclusion
Doing life alone is hard
Life can get so hectic at times, making it easy to neglect paying attention to yourself and your needs. We’re constantly trying to do more and be our “best selves,” but actually doing that is a lot harder than it sounds.
There’s this idea that “toughing it out” and being resilient makes you a better person, but if you wear yourself down to the ground in the process, was it really worth it?
Find a therapist
Finding the right therapist can be a difficult task and while it may seem like a huge step, it’s truly one of the best things you can do for yourself.
If you’re struggling with something in your life or just need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out and get the help you need so that you can begin living the life you deserve.
