A Beautiful June
June 2024
For Marco and Reza.
Years have passed by and as we keep going on, we’ve found ourselves in the most uncertain of places, times, and people. I understand thanks to this, we don’t and even can’t meet in-person anymore, not even texting and emailing would help. Things forever will change and it’ll always be, like how our Universe keeps expanding.
Anyway, I’ve been given a huge opportunity not to just appreciate the mortal beauty all living beings have in this world, but also to feel and be human again. Countless moons have I been working as an unfeeling ghost for those who don’t care about creative works and only care about getting things done. Now, for a full month, I get to experience what being alive is.
These times are all dedicated for a whimsical photo hunting sessions throughout the month. Some folks celebrate it as Pride Month, and I celebrate it as Life.
You see, I’ve been barred from experiencing life on my own accord, instead I’ve been given textbook-like rules about how life works, how people behave, and what to do and not to do. I don’t get to see how people think, behave, act, and decide. I don’t get to understand action and reaction. I don’t get to experience the consequences of my actions.
All just like the birds with their flight feathers cut and/or plucked off.
This June, not anymore. I set myself free.
The trees danced following the gentle breeze, with withering leaves fell and fluttered away. Despite it being hot, the mighty trees provided the shades as precious as an oasis. Beneath the benevolent trees, the ambitious artist spoke to me about how art — or Art — changes and challenges people.
To see the world means also to see the work of art. He recommended me to first understand what I’d need to represent in my works. It doesn’t have to be something that only focuses on the physical aspects of the work, but what lies in the subconscious mind when such work is created and perceived.
This may explain why only few people got to understand Art more than just a decor for their meeting room. It requires years of challenge, doubt, failure, success, and a bit of Schadenfreude. Now I know where the ‘tortured artist’ archetype comes from; only the most challenged, possibly insane minds could create the loudest art.
Though while controversy is not my main goal, I do understand Art shall provoke and ‘touches one’s soul and disturbs their zeitgeist’. My main goal, so far, is to capture beauty. Beautiful creatures.
This month, I’ve dedicated myself to work on a personal project which details will be provided at the end of this article. A work to help me understand beauty, answering the roaring question of ‘why is it/she beautiful?’, and challenging or appreciating my sense of beauty.
My experience with beauty is such a wild ride, a journey if you will. For years, I have passionately struggle to understand beauty beyond what I’ve been taught to. Is beauty something we delve into with a sense of lust; biological urge for sexual reproduction? Is it something we see to define whose person is trustworthy and whose isn’t? Is it something that qualifies us as someone that will have power-ups in life we experience, suffer, and live in?
What is it, really?
That’s what kept swirling in my brain when I saw two nettle jellyfishes illuminated by bright lights in an aquarium surrounded by dim tungsten lights. These jellyfishes are so alien, but at the same time ‘beautiful’. Why do I think these jellyfishes are beautiful? Is it because of their long, graceful appendages? Is it because how they swim? Is it because of how alien they look compared to us humans? I do not know. All I know is I appreciate their existence, and I just adore their appearance. It’s just something I cannot described that spurred out of my mind.
Maybe the concept of beauty isn’t much about the subject, but the perceiver. We’re once again return to the phrase ‘Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’. It’s something that is within us that we see physical magnificence from someone or something.
The same thing the artist told me; it’s subconscious. Maybe this is why we can’t control our sense of beauty. Though, this is much of a nuanced, context-heavy matter that may be out of my control and even knowledge.
Do I perceive beauty with respect, excitement, joy, or obsession?
Of all I know, my past experience with beautiful creatures has been something that leans to ‘I want to see more of this!’ It’s something that I have utter desire to see, preserve, and appreciate, like in some years ago when I took candid photos of beautiful people out of this thought. I know that it’ll be the last time I saw them, so I took the shot without ever thinking a deep thought about it.
Now, majority of those photos are gone (due to failures on my previous hardware).
And just like those photos, beauty will one day gone. Lost forever in Death’s grasps.
I’ve written some times ago about how deaths of these beautiful people affected how I react towards beauty. I have innate urge to preserve them just like how we preserve our best memories, so that I’ll not be the only person who will experience such beauty.
That’s how some photographers I know roll. They captured the beautiful people and immortalize them in photos featured in magazines. They not just took their photos, but also set/pose them to have their beauty emphasized, as in showing their Aesthetics. The intentions are clear, but more often than not there are mixed reviews from people who saw those photos.
And that’s what I’ve also done for the past couple of years. Photo per photo, I started to see what kind of beauty that matters to me…
Understanding your own beauty standard is a colossal job. It took me years, at least from my experiences. It starts from tackling prejudices, negatives views, and start looking into details that matter, building series of mental images that your brain will recall once you see the candidates.
Though this means that you’ll have to make trade-offs (or even sacrifices) in your way on developing your standard.
I know I can’t take photos of everyone and I too am not capable to do so. I understand not everyone suits my standard, and I think it’s OK. I realize that if I must take photos of everyone, then I’m not taking photos for myself. It’s more like a futile way to ‘save’ everyone as in I’m a flawed version of Superman.
However, I’m not discrediting those whom I can’t/won’t take photos of. Here’s what I believe: beautiful souls don’t exist. The word ‘beautiful’ always has a connotation for things that are being able to be perceived physically. What people meant probably kind souls. It seems to me the word ‘beautiful’ and ‘kind’ have their meanings amalgamated so people could use them interchangeably. I think not.
Not just from this month’s photo hunt, I’ve seen lots of kind people whom I didn’t get to take their photos and beautiful people whom I took their photos who have the most repulsive attitude I’ve ever encountered. Beautiful doesn’t always go along with kindness. And unfortunately, few of us get it.
As I get to take photos and building more of my understanding and appreciation of beauty, I started to revise my reasons as of why I’m taking photos with all these gears. Am I still obsessing over beautiful creatures? Or, am I really doing this as my way to express my artistic views? Is this really how I appreciate beauty knowing the chaos and ugliness that is rampant behind the scene?
Looking back at the plants I’ve taking photos at, it can go either way, or both ways. I understand what I do is for the sake of Art, as I’m doing this mostly to show my views about how I feel about reality, veritas, Life as we know it, and what motivates me to hold on.
The sunset we’ve seen above the clouds after series of hiking. The gorgeous folk dance performer with her striking dark brown eyes and the intricate floral headdress she dons. The rhythm of leaves that guides our eyes to the plant’s whole physique. The splendid, sparkling dress that shouts out a quality of a human mind’s work.
Beauty, for the lack of a better word, is amazing. It is like a force of nature that compels us to explore, to understand, to discuss, and to appreciate. It is also something that can be used as it is a tool: to encourage, to boost morale, to exploit, to enslave, to control, to contain, and to captivate. Beauty is the one that balances the Beast; the chaotic, the ugly, the undesirable things that exist in our life.
As I sit down with a fellow photographer, enjoying as Helios starts to veil his face with the horizon, I stated that I no longer use words to describe beauty. You know it when you see it, and you don’t have to explain it. Be inspired, and shoot away. Beauty, like all in The Universe, will end. So make it count.
To commemorate this leap of faith, I decided to create a photo album that compiles all the beauty I’ve captured for this whole year. Hopefully I can share my experiences and artistic view with people that may want to read it.
I’ll title the album ‘Veritas’ — Latin for ‘Truth’, as an allusion to the reality we’ve experienced and the real beauty that is outside of virtual realm, away from something A.I.-generated.
Inspired by the works of Steve McCurry, Peter Hurley, Joel Sartore, and Bruce Gilden (and countless more!), here’s how I captured beauty from awesome individuals who have helped me finding my sense of beauty, Art, and collaboration. I thank you all for your cooperation and I’m looking forward to another photoshoot with improved gears and more articulate definition of beauty.
Cheers for this June!
