Right to Satire: Seth Rollins Attempting To Obtain Refund After Over Buying-In
Shoppers at a local Davenport, IA shopping plaza reportedly witnessed an anxious and frustrated Seth Rollins attempting to obtain refunds from local retailers earlier today after what he described as “buying-in way too much.” In a spur of the moment interview as he hastily scurried from one store to another Rollins told us, “I bought in way too much man. I was so afraid of selling out that I didn’t even think about a middle ground.”
Local teenager, Hunter Bryant, who was working the Returns Desk at one of the visited retailers stated Rollins started off calm but quickly became irate for an unknown reason, “he came up and asked me how my day was which was nice. No one ever does that. He explained the situation and informed me he didn’t have a receipt. That’s against company policy, but I still called my manager Stephanie over to see if we could help him out. He really seemed like he was in a jam.” It was after Manager On-Duty Stephanie Meehan arrived that Rollins began to display aggressive behavior. “He just got like, real weird you know bro”, Hunter continued. “He started saying weird things like, ‘this is your fault Stephanie you did this to me’ and he started to sweat a lot.” Hunter said the most peculiar part of the conversation was when Rollins began referring to him as “H.” “Yeah, he kept saying ‘H it’s my money, you told me to buy-in and I shouldn’t of listened’ and then he just kind of dipped out.”
Rollins would make it all the way to the Mall Manager’s office. “Yeah I let him into the waiting room, he told me he was The Architect, and we had been awaiting some news on possible renovations to the plaza’s exterior”, a member of the office’s administrative staff told said. “He was carrying a briefcase that was an usual color”, the aforementioned staff member pointed out.
“Yeah he had that same briefcase here”, Mitch Johnson of Davenport Kia proclaimed. “When I approached him to ask if he was interested in making a purchase today, he showed me this briefcase full of money and told me he wanted a shot at the title. I ain’t never heard anyone refer to purchasing a car like that before, title shot”, Mr. Johnson brushed off, “but I went ahead and processed the paperwork anyway.” When asked if Rollins showed any signs of buyer’s remorse Mr. Johnson said, “oh yes, almost immediately. He kept saying ‘I need to stop buying-in! Why can’t I stop buying-in!Sell Seth, Sell.’ It was rather unusual but he drove off with the car nonetheless.”
Rollins has since issued an apology via Twitter stating, “Hey guys, crazy day. No one worry as I’m back with my Black and Brave fam. I’ve really been trying to get this buying-in thing off my back and sometimes I get a little antsy. I just want the trust of my peers back. I just got to stay patient and rebuild, redesign, and reclaim and I’ll regain their trust.” A sad tale of a man who has slayed a king, but not his past regret.
Follow Connor on Twitter: @callenxc
