You Can Have A Better Life — And This Is How
Trust me, it’s not the usual stuff.
A few years ago, we were on the way back from school with my elder son, who was five years old at the time. There was a young woman, in her twenties, walking towards us, from the opposite direction. My son slowed his pace and when she came up to him, he turned to her and said “Hello, you are very beautiful.” That was it.
Why am I telling you all this?
There was this young woman, who was clearly very tired, her clothes had seen better days, her face looked older than her age. The minute my son stopped talking, I looked at her face, there was this look of surprise, she was taken aback. And then she said this soft “thank you” and started crying. She asked if she could hug him, he agreed, and a few minutes later we went all again on our different ways.
Why haven’t I forgotten this incident all these years later?
Because, when I asked him later, why he told her she was beautiful, what precisely about her he found beautiful, he replied “I just thought she needed to hear a kind word”. What amazed me at the time was how very insightful he was. These words, coming from a five-year-old child’s mouth, epitomized a whole philosophy.
The only thing we need to do for each other, is to be a little kinder.
It won’t hurt us to hold the door for the next person coming through, after us. It won’t cost us anything to wish a sincere good morning to the street cleaner we see every day, with a smile, and it certainly won’t kill us to tell a tired, overworked woman that she is beautiful. “Verba volant” as the saying goes, but the truth is that they can leave a lasting impact.
And that is why we need to think twice before we say something that might hurt irreparably a dear one.
I realized long ago that I would solve most of my problems in my sleep. It’s like my mind could work with most clarity when every other disturbance seized (obviously!), and this could happen only when I slept.
So, I’ve since developed a good habit. I trust that the universe will give me the answer to any troubling question I have. I just have to be open to the answer, and I consider myself a spiritual being, I am not confined by a single religion.
Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world. - Annie Lennox
Now, stay with me here, I promise there is a point to this.
Every night, before I go to bed, I’ll write down a question. It might be something that’s really bothering me, like, what should I do about my work, or something truly complex, like, what should I cook for dinner tomorrow (yeah, you got me, I’m not one of those people who plan all the meals of the week). I’ll write it down and I’ll just leave it at that. I won’t give it another thought.
In the morning, before I do anything else, go pee, or have a glass of water, or get my tea going, I’ll pick up my pencil and paper and I’ll write whatever comes first to mind. Most of the time, it hardly takes more than two minutes and I always have the time for this.
What strikes me with awe every single time, is how well my subconscious knows me and works on my behalf. If I’m too tired for an elaborate dinner, it might be “spaghetti Bolognese or with a simple marinara sauce”. If I’m fed up with myself it might be “get a new haircut”. So simple.
The difference is, I don’t dismiss it. Let’s say, for example, I wonder if I am still a bit more than a Stay at Home Mom. I write it down before I go to bed. If, when I get up in the morning, with a clear head, I answer “I am a Writer”, then this means something, wouldn’t you think so? I would.
Even more so, if I ask what do I need to do, to have a better life?
Well, then, the clear and simple answer shouldn’t come as a surprise…
Be kind.
I often give my sons this example, to show them that they shouldn’t be afraid.
If someone told you that you could do anything, and they guaranteed that there was no chance you would ever fail, what would you do? At first, they were at a loss for an answer. They didn’t know which was the right one. And then I asked them, if they knew what I would say. They thought I’d choose to travel. I said “yes, but not like how you think.”
I’d choose to go to Mars. I’d reach for the sky. I’d make sure no one was ever hungry or cold or homeless again. Big thoughts, right?
But what if we all thought like this? How different would our lives be? Just think, to be able to make any decision, without any fear, any apprehension, any anxiety, only welcoming the outcome. Sounds utopic? Maybe.
Still, I believe this is the only way a person can truly get in touch with themselves. If we truly believed that nothing could hurt us. That no one could take advantage of us.
Obviously, we need food and water and shelter, these are no small things. One can’t become a philosopher when they’re hungry. But we don’t need to make these the center of our attention, either. We should meet our needs, not be at their mercy.
In the end, what we do for other people, is what we are really doing for ourselves. It all comes back to us.
If we are nice to others, if we go the extra mile when someone else can’t, not because someone will notice, but because we alone will know, isn’t that reward enough?
After all, it’s simple acts of kindness that change us. It’s the expression of our gratitude everyday that has a positive effect on our long-term moods. To me, it seems the key to a happy life, is a good life. A life with lasting, challenging, respectful relationships.
And maybe this is a bit selfish, yes. I don’t want to be remembered as a woman who made a great fortune, who had three houses and two cars, who spent every holiday abroad, who had two children and wrote for a living.
What I do want to be remembered as, instead, is a happy woman. Who did her best to live a life full of experiences. Who wrote and traveled and enjoyed food. Who was a mother to two children and raised them to be free, independent, thoughtful human beings.
A woman who was loving, and caring, and kind.
This would be my ideal life. This is what I would need to do, to make my life better.
