The Bagel Ballyhoo Bust
HS Humor: Based on a true story
It was Monday morning, and our freshman advisor, Mr. Yardland, was trying to read the announcements to a classroom full of fidgety students:
“…and finally, everyone, we have one last announcement. Is anyone here interested in running for student government?”
Silence.
Undeterred, Mr. Yardland continued cheerily: “Well, if you are, then the Student Forum is a great way to begin.”
“What is Student Forum?” Chris asked, raising his hand as he opened his mouth.
Luckily, Mr. Yardland did not seem perturbed by this breach of proper hand-raising protocol.
“Well, the Student Forum is a general forum for students at Vineyard High to discuss issues affecting the school and student body. Every advisement is allowed to send two representatives. They meet in the theater once a month before school.”
“Before school?” Chris said. “Like, at 7:30?”
“At 7:00, actually,” Mr. Yardland said, clearing his throat. “But it’s a great stepping stone to student government if you’re interested in running one day — and student government members get to do lots of fun stuff, like organize dances and represent the student body at meetings, and, of course, hang out with me.”
He grinned broadly, looking from one side of the room to another.
No one met his eye.
“Come on, guys! It’ll be fun! They always have bagels during Student Forum.”
Chris’s hand shot in the air. This time, he waited to be called on before speaking.
“Yes, Chris?” Mr. Yardland said. “Would you like to volunteer?”
Chris put his hand down. “Do they have cream cheese?”
“Uh. I believe so,” Mr. Yardland said. “Are you interested in being a part of the Student Forum?”
Chris ignored his question. “Do they have blueberry bagels?”
Mr. Yardland gave him an odd look. “I don’t know. But this really isn’t about the bagels. It’s about improving the school.”
Chris lowered his head, utterly crushed. “What, no blueberry bagels?”
Mr. Yardland chose not to answer, as he looked around. “Anyone want to volunteer? Anyone?”
The classroom was as silent as a graveyard.
Just then, the door opened, and Jack Mills, the current Vineyard High Associated Student Body President, walked in.
“Hey Stu!” he said.
“Ah! Jack!” Mr. Yardland brightened at the opportunity to rope Jack Mills into his Student Forum advertising mission. “Could you tell the class about the Student Forum? Let us know what you think is the best part of being in the group.”
Jack thought for a moment, squinting in concentration.
“Um…I’d say…the bagels.”
Mr. Yardland sighed as the class erupted into laughter.
“Yeah. Uh, I think we already went over that quite thoroughly.”
In the end, Mr. Yardland chose two students at random, Mandy and Charity. As we were preparing to leave, Jack hung around, chatting with Mr. Yardland.
“Dude, you know they’re not letting me back in the forum this year?” he said.
“Really? Why not?” Mr. Yardland asked.
“Because I already joined two years in a row, and they won’t let me do it again.”
“That’s too bad.”
“I know. No more bagels for me.”
“Yeah, no more bagels for you.”
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