Toxic Positivity and Why It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
After school became remote, transfer and first-year students have found it difficult to focus in class and keep up with all the seemingly endless assignments. There is almost no room to breathe because of how fast-paced the quarter system is. Over the course of the quarter, I have gone through the UC San Diego subreddit and saw many posts of students talking about how they are a failure for dropping or failing a class, or how burnt out and unproductive they feel ever since classes have gone online. It’s something I struggle with as a transfer student as well, not to mention how different the semester and the quarter systems are.
It’s a time when students’ mental health is most fragile and not everyone has the luxury of getting actual help. Nevertheless, the mainstream mindset is to be positive, especially now.
“It’s going to be okay,” “it could be worse,” “college is supposed to be hard” are all words I have heard several times ever since the pandemic started. Do they make me feel better? Sometimes. Do they help me have a positive mindset? No. These words are only useful to suppress my emotions. On the surface, it may look like words of encouragement or a way to support others when they’re down, but in reality, they only make you less likely to talk about your struggles. “Why talk about it when they are just going to brush it off anyway?” is how I feel after hearing those words.
The expectation to always be positive and look at the bright side is toxic, and I highly advise every student to stop rejecting or suppressing their emotions just because someone’s got it worse.
Our frustration, disappointment, sadness, confusion, and feelings of uncertainty are all valid emotions that we need to address and understand. It’s okay to not be smiling all the time. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to admit that you’re not always going to be happy. If we continue to reject these emotions, it will hinder our ability to cope with them and that can be dangerous. Feeling sad, angry, or even nothing is part of being a human. Feeling empty is also an emotion and there’s nothing wrong with it at all. No one is perfect. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and accept reality as it is. There is no need to turn a blind eye to something and fake positivity. Do not feel ashamed for feeling emotions that make you human. As I always tell myself, strive for the perfect imperfection and you’ll slowly begin to accept yourself.
If you need help, talk to a friend, a family member, or even a stranger. If you’re the person who’s supporting someone, don’t brush their frustration aside with empty words. Listening is the best thing you can do for another person. There’s no need to say that they got it better than someone or that you’ve experienced something worse. We’re not in a competition on who’s got it worse. It’s important to help people feel that there is a sense of community at school and that this is a safe place for them to feel vulnerable.
It’s okay to not feel okay. That’s part of being a human after all.
