Missed Translations: Book review
In Missed Translations, Sopan Deb, a New York Times reporter and stand-up comedian undertakes a journey to get reacquainted with his parents. In the process, he unpacks generational and familial trauma faced by first generation immigrants. He deftly weaves the heavy handed revelations with humor. A sympathetic portrait of South Asian families, where the author looks at his parents as fully developed adults with their own flaws. It was a refreshing read.
Set in a suburb of New Jersey, the author reflects on his early childhood experiences. ‘When we think of choice, we think of agency’, he writes. Through this prism, he begins to understand some of the choices, or lack thereof which leads to his parents’ decisions at times. He relearns some common themes that exists in many South Asian families–not talking about mental health and a microscopic focus on academics, sometimes at the detriment of everything else.
After his parents’ divorce, Deb’s dad moves to India. As he reconnects with his dad, we meet a familiar older Indian man that we might know in our own lives. The head of the family, a patriarch, who had a very rigid upbringing and didn’t develop the emotional toolkit that we know to be important. Having had to survive for himself and his family, Shyamal reminds me of my own dad and grandfather. Being stubborn with an insistence to live life by your own rules comes at a dear price, no matter the intent. Uncomfortable conversations lead to the author learning more about the motivation for his dad’s decisions, and that changes both of them.
There were moments when I had to put the book down, because my heart couldn’t take it anymore for what Bishakha, Deb’s mom had gone through. A woman, forced to marry without her consent is all too familiar a story in India. But somehow, the innocence of Bishakha, despite her life experiences shines through. It felt like I knew her: that Indian women with no bone of malice in her body, going through life as one goes through the beats of a melody, except hers had some really sad notes. Learning about Bishakha, I couldn’t help but wonder how she dealt with the deep angst she must have felt in her absolute low moments.
Through Deb’s writing, he pieces together interviews, recordings, journals to reflect on his traumatic childhood. We see the events unfold from his point of view, like a journal. His journey may have started out with him trying to reconnect with his parents. But in the process, we see him discover something deeper: identity, family and how he would think about those themes, were he to have kids.
