I broke the glass ceiling and I’ve never been in more pain
As we all know: there are good ideas, and there are bad ideas. You’d think that the distinction between the two would be obvious. You’d think that a good idea wouldn’t result in the collapse of colossal, razor-sharp shards of glass on your womanly frame. You’d think that a good idea couldn’t possibly have the unintended consequence of you getting so physically injured that you need to use a catheter. You’d think. But, dear reader, you’d be sorely mistaken. And sore I certainly am.
If we’re being totally honest, I’ve been working on this my whole life. I started collecting rocks when I was five and practicing my throwing when I was ten, and I perfected my hurling technique at the mere age of fifteen. I’m a freakin’ prodigy. There was no doubt in my mind that that delicate little doily of a glass ceiling would be powerless to my incredible strength and accuracy. I just didn’t think about the basic physics of the situation.
Exhibit A: When I threw the first stone up into the ceiling, I didn’t think that LITERAL glass shards would fall right on me.
Exhibit B: There is no Exhibit B I just really didn’t think that LITERAL GLASS SHARDS WOULD PLUMMET DOWN ONTO MY HUMAN BODY.
And I know what you’re thinking — how could you not anticipate that glass shards would fall down if you were throwing a stone at the glass ceiling above you? Because I thought the whole thing was just a big dumb metaphor! And I was so busy focusing on the glass ceiling metaphor, I forgot all about the “don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house” thing. UGH. And I still can’t get over the fact that I was so confused. I mean who took the time to construct a literal glass ceiling? How did that even pass the building regulations?! Thanks for nothing second wave feminism.
The worst part of it all is that I don’t even think anything has changed. I’m still severely underpaid and underappreciated. Steve from Marketing still thinks it’s hilarious to fart into To Go cups, write “Promotion” in Sharpie, and leave them on my desk. Now, not only am I confronting sexism on a daily basis, but also I’m suffering from several broken bones and a crippling fear of things falling from above. I almost lost my shit the other day when it rained.
