I Tried to Play I, Spy with My Daughter but She Just Kept Guessing “The Patriarchy” and It Really Started to Piss Me Off

Look, don’t get me wrong. I’m a liberal guy. Like, super liberal. I love feminism, and I hate the glass ceiling (both the metaphorical construct and the architectural structure). But it’s hard not to be a little frustrated when all I wanted to do was bond with my daughter over a fun game of I, Spy and instead I had to listen to her defiantly guessing “the patriarchy” 112 times in a row.

I’ll be the first to say it: I’m proud of my little girl for being so politically aware and active at such a young age. It warms a parent’s heart; and, not to boast or anything, but I’m pretty sure she inherited the whole activism gene from yours truly. But all I’m asking is for that passion and goodwill to take a backseat when I’m in the mood for some light-hearted, relaxing family time. I know that equality can’t wait, but surely it can move just a little bit slower for 10 minutes while my daughter tries to guess my word. It was “exhaust pipe,” by the way; which, I might add, is a pretty freaking great I, Spy word. Again, not to boast or anything.

All I’m saying is that there is just no way my daughter could have seen the patriarchy non-stop over a 90-mile stretch of the U-20 highway. It’s just not possible. There were times when it was just us on the road, no other car in sight, trees on either side. And there is no way she was looking at me when guessing “the patriarchy,” because I love progressivism. Love it.

I just wish that my daughter, with all of her political and social awareness (which is dope, totally dope) would learn that I, Spy has rules, and if we don’t follow them the game just won’t work. You don’t see me yelling “exhaust pipe” at a pedestrian feminist demonstration, do you? No! Because that wouldn’t make sense.

Oh, and just in case you’re judging me right now, I was With Her. I just wish sometimes She was With Me.