Why So Silent? Sorority Opinions—Or Lack Thereof—On Sexual Misconduct
In an email to the student body on Jan. 14, Yale College Dean Marvin Chun “condemn[s] the culture” of sexual assault produced by Delta Kappa Epsilon (DKE) fraternity members — or, in less decorous language, the groping and forcible kissing (not to mention graver accusations) that occur at DKE parties. However, the Dean declined to punish the fraternity, nor did he propose tangible steps to change campus culture. This murky response elicited a cold reception from many students: Engender, an organization dedicated to making Greek life co-educational, released a statement demanding that “Yale…take explicit action against groups whose membership exhibits patterns of sexual misconduct.”
In the midst of this impassioned discussion about fraternities, it was difficult not to wonder what the fraternities’ counterpart thought about the situation. It is especially important to hear their voices, given that rush season is upon us and first-year girls are debating whether or not to join. So, what do sorority members think about the charges? Do they challenge the mistreatment of women perpetrated by fraternities, or do they end up becoming apologists — unwittingly or not — for the guys?
Unfortunately, any answer to these questions remains elusive. Not a single current sorority member agreed to be interviewed, even with offers of complete anonymity. It could be that these women don’t care about the subject, though that seems unlikely. Another possibility is that they’re just not willing to talk to a reporter, and they’re letting the male Greeks know exactly what they think about their ugly behavior in private. The most troubling explanation, however, is that sororities actively or implicitly silence their members for fear of being ostracized by their male counterparts if they speak out.
But maybe none of these theories are correct. Katie Quesada, BR ’22, has another explanation for sorority silence. For one thing, Quesada questions why sorority sisters should be responsible for explaining the actions of fraternities. “Sororities are more than just sisters to the frats,” she says. Mixers, she insists, are not the center of sorority life, by any stretch of the imagination; sororities are first and foremost an allegiance of women. Since, in Katie’s opinion, sororities are not inextricably intertwined with the undertakings of fraternities, they might dislike being tasked with responding to the allegations against frats. Still, Katie notes that members “would have to be careful how they used their voice,” suggesting that in a certain way, sororities are dependent on positive relationships with fraternities. She speculates that overly harsh criticism might affect sororities’ funding, their ability to continue mixing with fraternities, and other vital features of Greek life.
Clearly, sorority members walk a fine line when deciding whether to speak out on such a polarizing issue. But if they are, indeed, concerned about being perceived as condoning or relying upon fraternities, it might be in their best interest to make public comment. If not, sororities risk being seen as, in the words of Engender communications director Gabe Roy, TD ’21, a group of girls that “at their core” are focused on “insulating and protecting secrets.”
Not everyone sees sorority silence as a problem. Another rushee, who wished to remain anonymous, seems to take no issue with the lack of sorority commentary on the DKE incident. She says that she hadn’t “really heard anything about the sexual assault stuff” from sorority members. When asked how she felt about joining a sorority in the midst of this controversy, the rushee responds, “I think joining makes me feel good just because those are topics you can’t discuss with everybody, but [in a sorority you] have a group of girls who all have something in common and they’re supportive of you.” This rushee seems to expect that sorority members don’t want to publicly engage in conversation about fraternity misconduct, but that those discussions happen privately. This expectation, however, seems perhaps at odds with the strong reticence sorority members exhibited when I asked for their thoughts in the fraternity debate. Given their across-the-board refusal to comment even with their reputations protected by anonymity, it’s difficult to imagine sorority members ever feeling comfortable interrogating their male counterparts, even in a private setting.
Joyce Wu, BR ’22, does not mention the possibility of discussing these issues with her potential sorority sisters, but she said she would trust that her future sorority would cease associating with a certain frat “if anything was ever wrong or if they found something problematic.”
All this aside, all three rushees seem to put “hanging with frat boys” pretty far down on their lists of reasons to join a sorority. To Katie, a sorority is first and foremost a “social outlet,” which fosters a “sense of family.” After all, she says, everyone who signs up “wants to be there.” The anonymous rushee agrees. The best argument for joining a sorority, she says, is that “it’s such a good opportunity to meet people, especially here where we’re so divided by colleges. If you don’t have a good friend group of girls…that’s the point of doing it.” Joyce has similar reasons to Katie and the other rushee for being excited to join a sorority. “During first semester, everybody was pretty open to meeting new people, but towards the end, everybody…found their own friend group and just started sticking with it,” she explains. “I found myself doing that too, and second semester I wanted to meet new people and….meet more upperclassmen.”
The rushees all think of Yale sororities as fundamentally different from those at state schools. In most cases, this perceived difference is what compelled them to rush in the first place. Katie sees Yale sororities as more “open” and “less competitive” than the “preppy and exclusive” sororities at other schools. The anonymous rushee mentions that her “friends at big state schools needed to buy Canada Goose jackets to get into a sorority,” but on the first day of Yale rush, “everybody wears the same thing, coats and bags are left outside.” Joyce made the decision to rush because Yale sorority members depart from her typical image of “a sorority girl.”
It’s true that Yale sororities are different. But this difference hasn’t entailed a willingness to call out fraternities’ most reprehensible actions. Indeed, sororities at Yale might be more “inclusive” than those at other schools, but their reluctance to comment on issues that directly affect their home institution suggests that they haven’t entirely abandoned a focus on keeping up appearances.
As for the type of party Dean Chun described, Katie, Joyce and the anonymous rushee say they haven’t run into anything like it. In fact, Katie recalls an incident at LEO where a very drunk girl was helped home by members of the frat. She sees value in the brotherhood fostered by a fraternity, just like in the sisterhood she seeks, and she looks forward to having the chance to meet frat brothers in a non-party setting once she joins a sorority. The anonymous rushee is similarly enthusiastic about making connections with fraternity members. She asserts that the link to frats “provides a gateway to meeting…and forming connections with more people” at “date functions and formals.”
Still, in both Katie and the anonymous rushee’s comments, there seems to be an understandable caution against speaking too highly of all frats. The latter said it was “unfair to judge all frats by these incidents” and proposed “doing research about which sororities match with which frats…if that matters to you.” Her comment suggests that the decision to join a certain sorority might often be, especially in the midst of the allegations against DKE, at least partly based on the reputation of the frat associated with it. Katie is more direct, explaining that because of all she’s heard, she would avoid DKE parties at all costs — at least for the time being — and expects many other sorority members would, too.
Engender, perhaps unsurprisingly, doesn’t believe it’s an issue of good frats and bad frats, and insists that sororities are inextricably a part of the problem. In the opinion of Gabe Roy and his fellow communications director Ellie Singer, BF ’21, sororities “uphold an outdated segregationist gender binary and prop up fraternities.” Engender views the entire system, in its preservation of single-gender spaces, as an inherently “oppressive structure.”
Clearly, there are reasons that sorority members are hesitant to join the public conversation about fraternities’ sexual misconduct. However, rushees seem to forgive this silence, asserting that sororities are more than fraternities’ counterparts and that they are likely reckoning with issues of sexual misconduct in private. Reasons to remain silent are understandable, but when it comes to DKE’s record of highly misogynistic and abusive actions, it’s hard to not want groups of women to publicly register their discontent — assuming they feel it.
