Top 5 Places to Take Poops Where No One Will Go in After You and Say “Ew!”

5. The bathroom a floor below or above yours in your entryway.

Nothing says diffuse the blame like never taking a shit in your own bathroom. A key strategy to avoid smelling up your own bathroom is to simply walk a floor up or down and drop it down there.

4. Anywhere in Saybrook.

If someone can shit in the laundry machines, anywhere is fair game. If you need to lay a quick one before an exam, Saybrook is a location destined to be empty and available in times of need.

3. The previously closed “staff only” bathroom in WLH.

Quiet and undiscovered, if you’re looking for a place convenient to Cross Campus without having your bag “checked” by library security, the newly opened staff bathroom in WLH is the place for you.

2. That one single-stall bathroom in your college basement.

Everyone knows this bathroom was built with the express purpose of privatized pooping. It’s out of the way and poorly lit but hey, it’s home. It has that quaint start-of-a-murder-mystery-esque ambiance, which spices up your life and gives you that little bit of anxiety we all need to keep pushing.

1. CTL Basement Bathrooms.

The CTL Basement Bathrooms are the absolute abyss of this campus. Down two flights of stairs, if you died there I’m pretty sure no one would find you for at least two weeks. Even so, it’s one of the most reliable places for pooping, crying, or anything in-between!