Top 5 Signs Your New Lover Is the Reanimated Corpse of Diana, Princess of Wales

Illustration by Paige Davis

5. She consistently refers to Queen Elizabeth II as “that old minger.”

4. She uses the singular paparazzo correctly and frequently.

3. She seemed oddly smug when you two watched the Bush funeral together.

2. She once mentioned that Google Street View cars combine her “two greatest fears.”

1. She almost always remembers to wear her seatbelt.