Introvert’s Guide to Networking
I am extraordinarily lucky to be a second generation Asian American born in the United States, having parents who left all of their friends and family in China to immigrate to the “Land of Opportunity” to provide me with unparalleled opportunities, a chance to realize the “American Dream.” Both of my parents are brilliant engineers who were the top of their respective educational classes with masters and PhD degrees. I am their only child which came with that lots of expectation for me to carry on and provide for my and their next generation. I was told that success only came to those who studied, worked hard, and didn’t complain. I joined UC Berkeley as a pre-med student given my parents’ (along with many other Asian American parent’s) desires for me to work in a stable, well-paid career. However, I found that sitting in labs all day was not my thing. Most of my friends were pursuing business degrees with the idea of starting their own companies one day. That always felt like the ultimate career move, the realization of the “American Dream,” so I switched degrees to pursue business.
As I pursued career opportunities within business, I quickly realized that networking was a key component of success. I was a shy kid growing up. My parents said if I just worked hard, all good things (wealth, women, wisdom) would come. They never networked and my dad would frequently turn down job promotions because he didn’t like managing other people or having to socialize with people he didn’t truly care for. I am an introvert at heart. That doesn’t mean I am not good at networking though or else I would be very bad at my current job as a venture capitalist where I meet with entrepreneurs and go to networking events all the time.
It took me a while to get the hang of networking. Here are some of the tips that have helped me:
1. Practice makes perfect. Force yourself to go to as many networking events in a short amount of time as possible. I used to dread going to networking events for fear that I wouldn’t be good at it and might embarrass myself. We play out these terrible potential situations in our minds and use those as an excuse to not go to things. However, each time you go to do something you fear, you realize it wasn’t bad at all or wasn’t nearly as bad as what you imagined. Unfortunately, we can sometimes be selective with our memory and forget if too much time passes in between events so go to as many events as possible and keep going! This will help build up your confidence.
2. Smile and be present. Smiling alone will boost your confidence and make you look more welcoming to others. Don’t be on your phone, especially if you are in a direct conversation or in a circle of people having a conversation. I know some of us (including myself) sometimes hide behind our phones so we look busy and not like a lone awkward duck in the middle of the room but no one will approach you if you are doing so. Look the other person in the eyes while they are talking. They will at least think you are engaged and really listening.
3. Keep the conversation short and sweet. Don’t hog someone’s time unless they seem to be really interested in continuing the conversation. You can always follow up later on LinkedIn or email. This is pretty effective when it is an event where attendees are mobbing a select few individuals and/or there is a conversation already going and you feel like it will be tough/rude to try and force yourself in. I typically will drop a line like — “I am sorry to interrupt here, but I am a big fan of your work on such and such. [now add in a short statement on yourself]. I unfortunately have to get going but would love to get your business card so I can follow up with you later.” Very non-committal and works almost every time unless they didn’t bring business cards (you can ask for an email in that case).
4. Prepare, ask good questions and listen. People love to talk about themselves. If there is a specific person that I want to speak with at an event, I will make sure to do my research on them beforehand and have questions ready that show that I did my homework. If there aren’t specific targets, then have a list of questions you might ask someone like “where did you grow up?” or “what has been your happiest moment while at Company X” where you can keep on digging in to really learn something about a person vs. generic small talk. Don’t try to overcompensate by trying to talk too much or over people. That is just rude and obnoxious.
5. Bring a friend. I am stealing this one from my friend, Patrick Lee, who founded Rotten Tomatoes and claims to be an introvert even though he is a monster networker. There are many benefits to this. 1) You feel more confident rolling with a group. 2) You can always go back to your friend if you find it difficult to strike a conversation with someone else. 3) You can introduce each other to people you know at the event. 4) It is just more fun with friends. People can tell if you are enjoying yourself and gravitate towards people who look like they are having fun vs. those feeling awkward.
