Hanging Over 1/28/17
Sports Recap of Yesterday, Today
Baylor Rape Gets Worse:
The most recent lawsuit filed against Baylor accuses the university of fostering and harboring at least 52 acts of rape that include ‘no more’ than 31 football players over a three year period. In other words, not a great day for Baylor football or the culture/reputation of college football in general. I mean this is ridiculous. If the investigation produces cold hard facts I see no other alternative punishment besides the vaunted death penalty. And deservedly so. This can’t happen, period end of story. It’s one thing to cover up a handful of sexual assaults, as deplorable as it may be, but it is another thing to cover up the amount of crimes as they did: A baker would look at this number and consider it glutinous. This truly is a sad day for college football but Baylor fans shouldn’t be that concerned. Remember, the NCAA gave Jerry Sandusky’s Penn State a similar punishment to a Southern California football team that featured Impala driving Reggie Bush. Look it up. Let us not forget that the NCAA holds no bias and governs over the sport in a fair and unbiased way. Did I just call out the NCAA right there? Yes, yes I did. I am patiently waiting for the punishment doled out by the NCAA because I will hold it to the standards under which other universities have been persecuted in the past — for much less severe accusations — and will not hesitate to scream injustice. I would rather have Roger Goodell than Mark Emmert.
Tiger Misses the Cut:
Tiger Woods is back!!!! Well, I can wait at least a little while longer before losing my voice while screaming that on some random Sunday. Tiger Woods missed the cut this weekend at Torrey Pines, a venue that during his prime he laid waste on like Jon Belushi at an open bar. It seems since his wife beat him over the head with a golf club Woods has forgotten how to play golf and continuously we as fans fall victim to a false sense of hope that envelops us every time Woods says his back is ‘steroid’ free. Hurt. Excuse me. I want Tiger back, I need Tiger back. Golf is more excitable for us less golf crazed fans who watch merely to feel diversified in the sports realm. Fans who also throw the Masters in the same conversation as the Super Bowl. I still hold true to the firm belief that Tiger will eventually be back to his old ways and the shortcomings he faced this weekend will only propel future success…until then I will stick to light beer and disastrous rounds fishing for balls in the pond, wishing Daly was still a presence on the tour. Figure it out Tiger. Golf NEEDS YOU!
Nobody Wants Melo:
Apparently the Clippers and Knicks are looking for a third team to complete their ‘huge’ transaction involving former ‘superstar’ Carmelo Anthony. Let me repeat; former ‘superstar’ Carmelo Anthony. In probably one of the most fascinating story lines the NBA has seen in a while, Lebron finally turned down playing with one of his friends. Bron Bron even realizes that Melo does nothing on a basketball court except shoot mid range jumpers and defend the taste of his wife’s marital area. I don’t think a basketball career has been more defiled by saber metrics as Melo’s — a guy who only takes the worst percentage shot on a basketball court and plays just as much defense as Cal’s secondary. The sad thing is Melo doesn’t care. He is probably just as happy that he will be going to the LA Clippers/2004 All Star team as LaLa is finding out she is going to La La Land. We all are well aware that she wears the pants in this family. Side note: Love the fact that a story came out saying Melo watches game tape with his son. It makes it seem like Melo actually cares about winning basketball games. Fake News! If Melo could still help somebody win he would be the most coveted player on the market, but considering Phil Jackson is literally willing to trade him for as much as Jimmer Fredette’s autograph warrants now a days it is safe to say Melo’s basketball relevancy has ended. I’ve never been so sure of something as Melo’s transition and impending success in Ice Cube’s 3 on 3 league, maybe then he can win a professional trophy worth showing off.
Jimmy Butler Backs Up His Mouth:
Here’s a no no for professional athletes out there. Do not rip your entire franchise and then proceed to have the worst game of your entire career afterwards. Bad look. I would obliterate Jimmy here but he is the guardian of his younger brothers so I will give him one get out of jail free card. Shit happens. Although saying that, if he truly was one of NBA’s elite players this type of performance wouldn’t occur. Considering Jimmy Butler has come back down to earth we can now take some time to appreciate the fact that the Bulls franchise has literally become a chapter in Fahrenheit 451, and I’d be willing to put my house up that Butler is gone once the chance provides itself. Sad! At least Chicago is home to the greatest franchise the world has ever seen…cough…..cough *Chicago Cubs*….cough…so they might be able to withstand another decade of misery, mediocrity and uncertainty from a basketball franchise that was once the toast of the town.
Jesse James and Eric Decker Need to Stop Showing Off:
These two literally get off on reminding us average people that they are enjoying the best sex life in the entire world. We get it Eric, you apparently have a majestic cock and your wife is an absolute smoke. I am tired of you throwing it in our faces. No more! Enjoy your genetic superiority on your own time, leave me to what some might consider ‘microtology’; where we as men have to find other ways to please the opposite sex. All things considering, Eric caught like 2 passes this year. Give me one shot and I guarantee you that I will catch as many — if not more — passes in an NFL game, give or take five concussions. Does that mean I end up with the likes of Jesse James, who spends her Sundays humble bragging to the entire female population that her husband is a stag? Who knows. But I’ll tell you what, their whole relationship makes me sick. Insert throw up scene from that old horror movie; It? AirBud? The Last Mimzy? The Exorcist? The Exorcist, that’s it. By now I am sure you get the point.
R.I.P. DeAndre Jordan:
Hey DeAndre Jordan congrats on both air balling two consecutive free throws and getting thrown into a body bag by a TV analyst. What a week! At least you are an all star as the 3rd best player on your team, I’m sure that means so much to you.
“He plays for a good team. You put him in Milwaukee, you’ll never hear from him again. Come on, Chuck, don’t even play me like that.” -Shaquille O’Neal.
Don’t play Shaq like that Chuck. Better yet, don’t play us like that Chuck.
Trusting The Process:
Bufalo @ Akron -9 1/2
Love Akron. For whatever reason I always bet on them and they always find a way to cover. They also are pretty good this year and considering they are at home I like them by double digits.
Pick: Akron -9 1/2