Thinking Freight Forward

Hi Cherilyn,

I have finised the job description. Please put on the hiring system now. My buddy Jerry from highschool, is waiting patiently to start and I guess some protocol requires we have shit posted on our site. He’s really pissed at his current job at Industrial Shipping Cargo Forwarding Co. and I want to sign him on here as a owlder favor to him and his wife and fam.

Just copy/paste this (don’t go editing it like you did to our newsleter)

Seeking a Senior Copywriter name Jerry

Slinkie Trucking Company is looking for Senior Copywriter (named Jerry) to contribute to our daily motivation and meditation truck stop app. If you already dunno we’re the premier app “stop” for tuckers in the US, Mexico, and Canada.

What you’ll do:

• Caraft copy about trucking, truckers, and truck stop culture
• Mend spelling and garammer of senior executives like ‘muah
• Be funny as that parot stuck in that hall of mirrors carnival when we were kids
• Run to work with
• Wear cargo pants everyday

What we’re looking for:

• 3 years and 4 months, exactly, exeriecing writing freight forward copy
• Male, 5'11", brown hair and blue eyes with a little stubble above the lip that kinda is a mustache
• First name must start with a “J” and end with a “Y”
• Must be 37 years old, born on July 5th 1982, and growned up in Ft. Worth, Texas
• Constant talking shit about people from Oklahoma is a +

What your aplication getting the job will be like:

• Tell us that joke about your friend Dale’s dog (the corn on the cob part get’s me every time. Damn dogs will do anything)
• Stick together something in 15 minutes with 2 marshmallows and 1 stick
• Stare at a 10 gallon glass jar full of morbals and tell us how many you think there are (the right answer is 64)
• A typing test, not how speed but making sure you got the places of all the buttons down
• We send offers with regular USPS trucking and sometimes it takes a month or two before you get it

More on our work:

• Nobody ever reads this far, so Jerry, just please formal applie and I will float your resume to the top
• Make sure you write a cover letter that says you are a experienced frieght forward copywriter
• Once I get you through I’ll mail the letter, standarded USPS, you should get it by the end of August
• Super excited to work with you, so please tell your wife that what happend 20 years ago on Sigma Pi Ni Grab’n’Ass Night was a mistake that I kinda still regret and though I never pay child support I hope this might helps

— Ken