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We regret to inform you that 100k+ hours ‘grinding’ World of Warcraft doesn’t, in any way, qualify you.

But thanks for applying. If it’s okay, we’ll keep your info and application on file and if there’s a future fit we’ll be in touch!

Jennings Hanna
Jul 3, 2019 · 6 min read

Dear “Tribal Chief” of Insidiously Delicious,

We appreciate your interest in InterBizCo.biz for our Senior Director of Biz role in our Environments of Wellness and Greatness division. We regret to inform you that we will not be moving forward with your candidacy.

In our application we asked you for a few insights as to learn more about why we should consider your candidacy. Your responses where interesting and we wanted to provide you this feedback. Question, answers, and our responses below.

Q: What experience do you have in biz wellness or greatness that we should consider for this role?

We maintained greatness by keeping the guild bank full of goodies from our dailies like pots, fish, buffs, bandages, cloth, bars, cheeses, and, my favorite, and most insidiously delicious were, the Grilled Murloc Flanks. Our members fished, tailored, fabricated, sang, conjured, cooked, smithed, knitted, cobbled, smelted, and enchanted everything from our indicative green hats to our rad as hell guild banner. We created macros for tracking gear rolls of member we thought were particularly greedy and ranked members on their Armory scores.

Our members are eagle eye’d, snake biting, go-for-dead type Horde no matter the repair cost. We give the developers night sweats in terror when they can’t make any content we won’t mop the floor within weeks of it dropping.

We are not sure who Thrall is, or what makes him the Son of Durotan. Our question was referring to skills in management, team wellness, achievements of greatness, environments of each, and so forth. You logging 100k hours in a video game, playing many “rolls”, we don’t at all find this is applicable. Though, your time spent building a “tribe” does sound interesting aside from that we won’t consider that a fit as part of our biz at InterBizCo.biz. And “night sweats”, really, if that happens often you might want to see a doctor.

Q: Have you managed a wellness and greatness team? What’s your management style? What did you find most difficult?

Our guild has cleared content from every expansion going back to the Burning Crusade (no one actually raided in vanilla WoW you know). Many first on the server; once first in the world (FTW!). We once zeroed Illidan Stormrage, brother of Malfurion, Lord of Outland, and ruler of Black Temple, with a tanking shaman. How? Ingeniously, we devised a way for him to swap his skill tree and gear mid-fight. It was going great until a healing shadow priest nuked out so hard he killed half of our party by accident with his Shadow Crash AOE in combo with the totem buffs. Really what made this a remarkable feat is when they were both popped cloaking potions every 10 seconds or sooner, depending on when the cooldown hit, and effectively solo’d Illidan to his merciless death!

All this was witnessed and documented into the history of gaming as we were Twitch streaming for a charity event at WoW Nerds 2015 in Springfield, Missouri at the main street GameStop. (Greatest day of my life!)That day, June 27th 2015, our guild crystallize its celebrity status. Now and forever remembered amongst wow-heads as Insidiously Delicious Day (idd).

Wow, I cannot say we have ever had a day named after us. I’ve also never been to the Springfield, Missouri GameStop. I’m sure it’s a significant accomplishment but how does this remotely qualify you in biz management of a wellness and greatness team?

When Paul in IT read this we, soon after, had to peel him off the a desk. He’d stuck to it because he clinched his Diet Coke too hard when he passed out laughing, face first, on the hiring mangers desk (that’s me! My desk.). (It is a sticky mess that I am especially pissed about. Not that it’s directly your fault. But indirectly, it is.)

At first I thought, “is it supposed to be funny”? And for a moment I thought, maybe, this person must be a genius? Got me to look! Where’s his number? But you didn’t fill out that part of the application. Instead repeating your email address, chieftan@insidiouslydelicious.wow in all fields.

Here’s a little tip Chief: It’s impossible for me to consider you as a candidate when I don’t even know your first name.

Q: Tell us about what your last team did and what you are most proud of?

Once in the encounter at Khaz’goroth, where Kel’Thuzad, founder of the Cult of the Damned and one of the principal agents of the Lich King who spread the plague of undeath across Lordaeron. I led DPS over a feral, Bear-formed Shaman, and a fire Mage in a complete Tier-7 set (the mage also had the Lagiesh Greatstaff of the Lagger!) I was pushing all limits, adding about 10,000 DPS per cooldown to the leaderboard with my Holy Smite. In the end I had racked up 1.4M points of damage, which was about 25% of the entire output of our 20 man raid group in the encounter.

At this point I am not even sure what I am reading. Paul is back. Well, he’s awake enough and we’re looking at this together. He says that this has got to be a hack or an imposter. Either way, you lost me at “Khaz’goroth, where Kel’Thuzad…” whatever.

Q: Is there anything else you would like us to know about you in regards to this application?

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WoW Pet Alarm-o-Bot, https://www.warcraftpets.com/wow-pets/mechanical/robots/alarm-o-bot/

Although we found your application entertaining and Paul especially thought it was amazing that the founder of the Insidiously Delicious World of Warcraft guild (or an imposter) applied to be our Senior Director of Biz. We absolutely fail to understand how your experience playing a World of Warcraft makes you an ideal candidate.

Best,

— Your friends at InterBizCo.biz

thebcc

memos for a dysfunctional workforce

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