We regret to inform you that 100k+ hours ‘grinding’ World of Warcraft doesn’t, in any way, qualify you.

But thanks for applying. If it’s okay, we’ll keep your info and application on file and if there’s a future fit we’ll be in touch!

Jennings Hanna
Jul 3 · 6 min read

Dear “Tribal Chief” of Insidiously Delicious,

We appreciate your interest in InterBizCo.biz for our Senior Director of Biz role in our Environments of Wellness and Greatness division. We regret to inform you that we will not be moving forward with your candidacy.

In our application we asked you for a few insights as to learn more about why we should consider your candidacy. Your responses where interesting and we wanted to provide you this feedback. Question, answers, and our responses below.

Q: What experience do you have in biz wellness or greatness that we should consider for this role?

Your Answer: I have logged over a 100k hours maxing out 6 characters through 8 content expansions over the last 10 years. Diversifying each of my rolls by playing a different part in the end-game grind. As our guilds Tribal Chief I am renowned for managing one of the worlds largest and longest running tribes, Insidiously Delicious. We have defeated the most elite, end-game raid bosses. We’ve stopped many Alliance incursions on our peaceful undead city of death and decay, The Undercity. Most importantly, we dropped the (heroic, not normal mode) Lich King on the second try and thus bestowing the horde’s invocation of the legendary Thrall, son of Durotan, former chieftain of the Frostwolf Clan, on our server, Moonrunner.

We maintained greatness by keeping the guild bank full of goodies from our dailies like pots, fish, buffs, bandages, cloth, bars, cheeses, and, my favorite, and most insidiously delicious were, the Grilled Murloc Flanks. Our members fished, tailored, fabricated, sang, conjured, cooked, smithed, knitted, cobbled, smelted, and enchanted everything from our indicative green hats to our rad as hell guild banner. We created macros for tracking gear rolls of member we thought were particularly greedy and ranked members on their Armory scores.

Our members are eagle eye’d, snake biting, go-for-dead type Horde no matter the repair cost. We give the developers night sweats in terror when they can’t make any content we won’t mop the floor within weeks of it dropping.

We are not sure who Thrall is, or what makes him the Son of Durotan. Our question was referring to skills in management, team wellness, achievements of greatness, environments of each, and so forth. You logging 100k hours in a video game, playing many “rolls”, we don’t at all find this is applicable. Though, your time spent building a “tribe” does sound interesting aside from that we won’t consider that a fit as part of our biz at InterBizCo.biz. And “night sweats”, really, if that happens often you might want to see a doctor.

Q: Have you managed a wellness and greatness team? What’s your management style? What did you find most difficult?

Your Answer: Maintaining a guild of over 100 players is like herding cats with a Leeroy Jenkins event happening about twice a week. The devs actually gave us an extension from the normal 100 cap because we were so dedicated. And we kicked so much ass!

Our guild has cleared content from every expansion going back to the Burning Crusade (no one actually raided in vanilla WoW you know). Many first on the server; once first in the world (FTW!). We once zeroed Illidan Stormrage, brother of Malfurion, Lord of Outland, and ruler of Black Temple, with a tanking shaman. How? Ingeniously, we devised a way for him to swap his skill tree and gear mid-fight. It was going great until a healing shadow priest nuked out so hard he killed half of our party by accident with his Shadow Crash AOE in combo with the totem buffs. Really what made this a remarkable feat is when they were both popped cloaking potions every 10 seconds or sooner, depending on when the cooldown hit, and effectively solo’d Illidan to his merciless death!

All this was witnessed and documented into the history of gaming as we were Twitch streaming for a charity event at WoW Nerds 2015 in Springfield, Missouri at the main street GameStop. (Greatest day of my life!)That day, June 27th 2015, our guild crystallize its celebrity status. Now and forever remembered amongst wow-heads as Insidiously Delicious Day (idd).

Wow, I cannot say we have ever had a day named after us. I’ve also never been to the Springfield, Missouri GameStop. I’m sure it’s a significant accomplishment but how does this remotely qualify you in biz management of a wellness and greatness team?

When Paul in IT read this we, soon after, had to peel him off the a desk. He’d stuck to it because he clinched his Diet Coke too hard when he passed out laughing, face first, on the hiring mangers desk (that’s me! My desk.). (It is a sticky mess that I am especially pissed about. Not that it’s directly your fault. But indirectly, it is.)

At first I thought, “is it supposed to be funny”? And for a moment I thought, maybe, this person must be a genius? Got me to look! Where’s his number? But you didn’t fill out that part of the application. Instead repeating your email address, chieftan@insidiouslydelicious.wow in all fields.

Here’s a little tip Chief: It’s impossible for me to consider you as a candidate when I don’t even know your first name.

Q: Tell us about what your last team did and what you are most proud of?

Your Answer: I’ve primary rolled my Troll Mage, Nosfuratus, but I’m most proud of my undead pally, Oralroberts (obviously I’m HORDE4Life). Oreo, we call him for short. His skill tree branches are intentionally optimized to pull agro. (I know, I know, this was before they nerfed the Blessing of Salvation buff). Anyway, like a tank but, he could turn on dime, then drop a Blessing of Protection, and a Hammer of Justice, and CONSECRATE! Like a fucking ninja with a 100 thousand pound hammer going mach-3 in a flaming pope-mobile! Oreo, crunched every gnome he came across in Azeroth into a puff of hydraulic waste with one glance and plunder of his undead holy hell. Kaaaachuugggkkkk!!

Once in the encounter at Khaz’goroth, where Kel’Thuzad, founder of the Cult of the Damned and one of the principal agents of the Lich King who spread the plague of undeath across Lordaeron. I led DPS over a feral, Bear-formed Shaman, and a fire Mage in a complete Tier-7 set (the mage also had the Lagiesh Greatstaff of the Lagger!) I was pushing all limits, adding about 10,000 DPS per cooldown to the leaderboard with my Holy Smite. In the end I had racked up 1.4M points of damage, which was about 25% of the entire output of our 20 man raid group in the encounter.

At this point I am not even sure what I am reading. Paul is back. Well, he’s awake enough and we’re looking at this together. He says that this has got to be a hack or an imposter. Either way, you lost me at “Khaz’goroth, where Kel’Thuzad…” whatever.

Q: Is there anything else you would like us to know about you in regards to this application?

Your Answer: If you can’t tell by now, I am serious about gaming, well I don’t really play any other games, I am serious about World of Warcraft. Raids take 4 nights a week of at least 6 hours of playtime. Every week, on Tuesday afternoons, after the reset, we send the freshest group of noobs we can find in to clear the first couple of bosses in the instances we are targeting. They’ll usually squabble and get wiped by trash for about 3 hours before a couple of them will relinquish their application to the guild, sit outside the Orgrimmar Auction House, and whine into the cities public channel (5), while their pet Alarm-o-Bot beacons trauma for all to see.

WoW Pet Alarm-o-Bot, https://www.warcraftpets.com/wow-pets/mechanical/robots/alarm-o-bot/

Although we found your application entertaining and Paul especially thought it was amazing that the founder of the Insidiously Delicious World of Warcraft guild (or an imposter) applied to be our Senior Director of Biz. We absolutely fail to understand how your experience playing a World of Warcraft makes you an ideal candidate.

Best,

— Your friends at InterBizCo.biz

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memos for a dysfunctional workforce

    Jennings Hanna

    Written by

    interaction designer, wide-eye'd storyteller, happy listener, future time-traveler

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    memos for a dysfunctional workforce

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