A Parents Guide. Glen Buckley
Glen Buckley is a former professional player [1.5 league games for Wigan Athletic’s first team in nineteen hundred and frozen to death!!. He is a UEFA A licensed coach, A US Soccer A license coach and NSCAA premiere diploma holder. He has served US Youth Soccer, US Soccer and the NSCAA as a national staff instructor. He was a club Director of coaching for 5 years, and a State Technical director for 10 years. For the past 5 years he has owned and operated glen buckley soccer llc a player and development consulting company that also runs a player Development School. During his coaching career he has worked with players from 5 to 18 years of age, pros, semi- pros of both genders. He has presented at both the NSCAA and US Youth Soccer Workshops. He can be reached at www.glenbuckleysoccer.com
Recently I celebrated my 56th Birthday. For many of us birthdays are a time we find ourselves reflecting on years past. The what if’s and if only I had done this or that. I found myself counting back the years to 1983 when I began my coaching career at 23 years of age and taking my first English FA license. By the time 2016 is ended I will have been coaching for close to 35 years. Sadly that accounts for over half of my life. I say sadly because I would have preferred to have been coaching for less years because I continued playing longer. However that was not to be. On the positive side I have gained years of experience in many areas of the game both as a teacher and educator. Over the years I have been subjected to the “sports parent” or “coach” living their lives vicariously through their children on far too many occasions. I think this allows me to form an opinion and Yes, I am a parent too. On the off chance you should forget many of the “coaches” that bear the brunt of the criticism are also parents. For 23 years now I have worked professionally in the USA as a coach. I have seen the game evolve in that time through many changes. The changes have been for the betterment of the environment in which our children play. There are still perhaps more changes to come, but for the most part most of those changes have been good. As the game continues to evolve we should really look back with some pride at the great strides that have been made.
As we approach the beginning of High school sports and the dawn of a new ODP or club season I thought it may be of some interest to those “parents” with a child entering this period of “great importance” in their life, to get the coaches view. My peers across the nation be them fellow DOC’s, high school or college coaches have all used the term “my job would be a lot more fun if I did not have to deal with the parents”. Countless journalist have written on the subject and far be it from me to criticize those professionals, however with all due respect I sometimes [when writing about soccer] feel they lack underpinning knowledge of our sport and so the whole story is turned around to parallel the other sports. There are some parallels to be drawn but in many cases there are none. Agreed; a parent is a parent at the end of the day with what they perceive as their best interest at heart for their child. Let us just say that some are better than others in dealing with their child’s sporting endeavors. As one unhappy parent informed me a few years ago “you have ruined my sons life” following the announcement of the ODP pool that the child was not selected for. The player was 12!
However I have read some interesting opinions on both coaches and parents that were so wide of the mark they simply compound the problem. While browsing the “soccer pages” available to us all across the internet I found all kinds of opinions on coaches and parental involvement in sports. For this first article I will focus on the parent and then in the next article I will give my thoughts on Coaches. Below is a compilation of some of those articles in my own words as a parent guideline…
The Parent [definition]
The person in the stands or on the side line with a kid in uniform. It didn’t happen overnight, of course. There were countless youth games played, hundreds of meaningless tournaments attended, thousands of miles driven, hundreds of pounds of junk food consumed from the drive-thru visits. The numerous stories of “College Scholarship” money to be had firmly etched in their minds [and they are just that…. Stories!] and was awarded to Susan’s sister’s daughter etc etc
[On further investigation you will probably find that it was not a “Full Ride” but a semesters worth of canteen coupons!]
Here are some Parent Guidelines:
1. Have no expectations, for your child. Place your child with a qualified coach at the club level and ODP level. Insist on it. At high school ask if the coach holds a US Soccer Coaching Certification, or NSCAA Diploma relevant to the age and level he/she is working at.. Push the school or club to employ outside professionals as coaches for Soccer. They do in Football and other sports. Keep high school soccer in perspective. It is possibly the least technical and tactical of games your child will play in. The level of play is bound to be diluted because of the number of high schools in the area fielding teams. They have two or three top level players. The schools that insist on playing the less talented seniors at the expense of the younger technically gifted players, compound that environment. Don’t get me wrong, high school soccer has its place. The national anthems, bands, school pride etc are great to witness. The culture of wearing a family number and being lettered are deep rooted and should not be taken lightly. However the talent levels of the players playing on one team in club soccer or pool in ODP have surpassed that of the level of high school. It is simple Math, 8 or 9 high level players on each team playing against each other is going to produce a higher level environment than that of 3 or 4 on each team playing each other and because of playing time issues for shorter periods during the game exaggerated by the large pool of players per squad. Compounding the problem is the emergence of the US Soccer Academy system where the players reaching a point in their development a little sooner than others are not playing high school soccer anymore.
If you go into the year thinking “My kid is going to be a star,” you have just set the bar too high.
Trophies won from ages 5 to 15 do not mean a thing. What he or she did on the “premiere” or “elite” travel teams for the most part have very little bearing on the end result. So many players with potential are overlooked for physical maturity in these early years. Why? because the emphasis is on winning. The facts are the starters from U10 through U14 are not so successful when they are 16, 17 etc. Even among the seemingly “sure bets”, some will lose interest, quit, peak early, get tired of the pressure and find another “fun” pastime.
2. Give your kid space. Let them enjoy successful moments and figure out how to deal with defeat, failure and disappointment. Don’t get too wrapped up in the wins and losses. Your job is to make sure your child does not get too high after a win or too low after a loss. Try to address the “entitlement” issue. Earn the right to play, earn the right to win, earn the right to not be substituted and stay on the field. Practice on your own, play with a ball. Are all things you should be encouraging your child to do.
3. Try to have an objective view of your kid’s ability and build on his or her strengths. Don’t wear him down by telling him what he did wrong unless the child comes looking for constructive criticism. Most of the time, the kid knows it better than you.
4. Let your child make decisions that matter, with one caveat. When he or she considers quitting — and most teenage athletes have that moment — make the child understand quitting is not the first option, especially once the season has begun. Dealing with adversity and persevering are important lessons. The “entitlement” issue is one that is rife throughout all sports.
Entitlement seeds are planted in the very early years. Competitive “premiere” and elite” environments in the adolescent years compound the problem. Sadly our players do not understand or are not exposed to an “earn your spot” environment……reality is “I pay’s my money and I insist on the playing time”. Trophies for everyone….really!
5. Grades really are the most important thing. The chances that he or she will get a college sports scholarship are almost nil, and even if the stars align and that happens, the kid still has to have good grades. Don’t believe the propaganda of playing in this or that tournament will enhance college scholarships. If you are good enough he or she will be found. The Soccer community is relatively small, not much goes un noticed.
6. Don’t ignore injuries or signs of extreme mental and physical fatigue. If he or she is hurting, find out what it is. Seek professional prognosis. Playing injured can hurt the team and your kid’s long-term health. A large percentage of 14/16 year olds have over- use injuries that are undetected and were sustained at 10 and 11 years of age.
7. Let your child fight his or her own battles with the coach, especially with regard to the №1 complaint: playing time. Your kid has to learn how to deal with adults. It’s part of growing up. He or she will have to confront professors and bosses, and this is a good place to learn. If it’s another issue and you find it necessary to get involved, always wait a day to talk to the coach. Let your emotions subside and think clearly about the point you want to make.
8. Support the team and be a good fan. Volunteer, and don’t wait to be asked. Get to know the other parents. Make your own positive experience in the stands, no matter what is going on below.
When you’re at the game or event, cheer for everyone on your kid’s team, not just your own. Don’t be the jerk on the sideline or in the stands, the one yelling at the coach, your team, the other team, and mostly the officials. You are embarrassing your club, team, school, your kid and yourself. If you don’t have anything good to say, sit down and shut up. If you’re not enjoying yourself, stay home. You won’t be missed.
9. Understand soccer is a competitive sport. It’s not Little League where every kid gets to play. There’s going to be disappointment, heartache, unfairness and injuries. Unless it ends in a state championship, it will end in defeat. Your kid is going to make mistakes. The coach will yell[ I hate the term “yell”] at him or her. That’s what they do, [As long as it is constructive] Let it happen. He or she is not a baby anymore.
№10. Enjoy the ride. It will go by fast. Hug your child when it’s over.
