2/10 Stars. This Emotionally-Intelligent Autocorrect Sounds Nothing Like Me.
I wrote “sounds like you’re overreacting?” It suggested [absolutely anything else]
It’s been a week since my girlfriend installed eMessage across all my devices. And as the first emotionally intelligent autocorrect, I wanted to give it five stars. But for $2.99 ($1.99 with her therapist’s discount code), I expected more. The suggestions just don’t sound anything like things I would actually say.
Pasting my cache as proof…
user writes:
Oh, sucks.
eMessage suggests:
Oh, I can’t even imagine how painful that is.
user writes:
Sounds like you’re overreacting?
eMessage suggests:
[absolutely anything else]
user writes:
I take it she has to have more testing done. Did I tell you there’s a new Jersey Mike’s by us?
eMessage suggests:
I take it she has to have more testing done.
user writes:
Think she’ll pull through or this will take her out?
eMessage suggests:
On the way to you. With takeout.
Their message was 832 characters. Your message is 3 characters. eMessage suggests adding more characters.
user writes:
She was pretty pruney last Christmas…
eMessage suggests:
And all of this, so close to Christmas…
user writes:
oh.
eMessage suggests:
oh?
Strongly consider adding more characters.
user writes:
Does the hospital have wifi?
eMessage suggest:
Should I bring your pajamas?
user writes:
That reminds me, we should update our will.
eMessage suggests:
That reminds me, grabbing your toothbrush too.
user writes:
Turn around? In this traffic?
user writes:
Turn around? Did something happen?
user writes:
Well, c’est la vie!
eMessage suggests:
[a more nuanced perspective]
Emma Murf is a humorist and poet. Her work is published in Slackjaw, Points in Case, The Belladonna , Liminal Press and Sidewalk Poetry Press. She’s mildly allergic to social media, but you can find her at emmamurf.com.
