I Stabbed My Wife Twice with a Pen Knife, AITA?
I only stabbed her twice, with a tiny pen knife. Keep in mind, I’m a great writer.
If you’re a great writer, can you really be a bad husband? Norman Mailer asks Reddit to find out.
r/AmitheAsshole? ∙ 5 hr. ago
Posted by normisking
AITA for stabbing my wife at a party? I mean, she lived.
I’m a fine writer. Some call me great, noting I have a razor-sharp intellect. My wife, Adele, and I recently hosted a party to launch my upcoming mayoral campaign. A close friend used his connections to help me penetrate social barriers, and ensure the attendance of many powerful community leaders. Let me put it this way: it wasn’t some backyard barbeque over in Queens. It was swanky.
I feel I should add that I in no way disregarded the common man. It’s important to me that all members of society feel represented, which will be the thrust of my campaign. Indeed, I believe in equality so strongly, I told Lenny (who likes to loiter outside our apartment building) that he needed to attend the party, and bring some friends, too, if he wanted to continue hanging around.
So, we had over 200 people at our party, Addie and I (UWS btw, so much more egalitarian than UES). It was a swinging event according to everyone. Food by Fleur de Lis. Well-stocked bar. The drinks flowed as smoothly as my prose. Some fights broke out among the guests, the hoi polloi and the beau monde maybe didn’t mix as well as hoped. (Clyde’s martinis, however, were mixed to perfection.)
I left the party for some reason I can’t recall — I was a bit punch drunk. While out, I punched a few drunks, too, after getting into a bit of a fracas. I returned home around 4:30 in the morning, fists and mood both raw, to discover that most of the guests had left. I found it pretty rich that they would eat my food, drink my wine, yet wouldn’t wait for me, the HOST, to return?
Addie had gone to bed. I went to check on her as any good and decent husband would do. She was still awake, but was she sauced! She started badgering me about my other women, so tiresome. Then she began needling me, implying I wasn’t a real man. Let no one doubt it, Norman loves women. LOVES women. Wife or not, I won’t let any broad speak to me in such a manner, so I stabbed her.
I only stabbed her twice, with a tiny pen knife. The blade (at two inches, can you even call it a blade?) barely grazed her cardiac sac, and completely missed her heart. She’s fine. The ICU is taking great care of Addie. She’ll be home soon. Yes, I admit I did tell the few loyal friends who remained at the party, “Don’t touch her. Let the bitch die.” What red-blooded man wouldn’t defend aspersions on his manhood? I ask you, AITA? Keep in mind, I’m a great writer.
Rachael Holliday is a Houston based writer and photographer. An alumna of the 2020 Community of Writers Memoir Workshop, you can find her at Twitter @ReeHolliday and Instagram @HollidayRee and her work in publications such as The Establishment, Houstonia, Texas Poetry Calendar, and more. She is both a cat and a dog person.
