12:10 am

the clubhouse is a place of dissidence, intimacy, and culture. Here’s my bit of intimacy.

It’s been 10 minutes since the end of your 21st birthday. Somehow, I managed to remember it despite always being so clumsy and forgetful.

Everyone around me knows that I’ve changed a lot. I’ve taken what you told me the day we decided to split up and really applied them. And, I mean that — I’ve started to become more receptive to others’ ideas, to really listen to what others have to say. I’ve learned to face my insecurities and to genuinely love myself.

Things have been looking up. I’ve joined a few clubs at UCLA, branched out and met some of the coolest people. I’ve started to dive deep into the areas of computer science and math that really interest me. I’ve started exercising again and reconnecting with my kung-fu troupe. I’ve spent so much time this summer with close friends and family — I couldn’t be happier with my life right now.

But, it’s nights like these where I can’t help but wonder how you’re doing. How your family is doing, how your school life is, how your dreams and aspirations are holding up. Maybe it’s just my curiosity or maybe I’m just a decent human being who still cares.

In either case, I just wanted to say thank you for everything. For always putting up with my bullshit, for always apologizing first, for always standing up to me and telling me when I’m blatantly wrong. Had it not been for those defining moments, I don’t think I would’ve personally grown as much as I have over the past 8 months.

I never got the chance to say any of this to you, so here it is. Happy belated birthday.