2018

I was never one for annual reflections; they never seemed particularly useful or self-fulfilling. After all, most of my years have always been the same: a steady (almost stagnant) progression of events that I often associate with aging.

But, 2018 was different.

To me, it was a year of immense personal change, and I’ve been able to break it down into 4 grand takeaways.

1.) Nothing is more important than my personal health, happiness, and family.

Looking back, I find it quite ridiculous that this was even a lesson for me, since it seems so obvious. But, trust me, I can explain myself:

When I was growing up, my family placed a huge emphasis on academics. The idea stemmed from an observed correlation between academic success and financial security. And, because my family consists of mainly Vietnamese refugees, the desire for such social stability was greatly amplified.

So, to put it in layman terms: I grinded pretty hard when it came to school. Don’t get me wrong though, I had a lot of fun throughout my upbringing, but school was always first. It didn’t matter how much I needed to study or how late I’d need to stay up, I always settled on finishing my work before doing anything “extra”, like going out with friends, playing video games, or getting more than 2 hours of sleep. Looking back, I admit that my mindset was extreme, to say the least.

When I got to UCLA, this attitude towards school eventually broke me. To summarize, I took a computer organization class that literally had me glued to the textbook 24/7. I studied for this class so much that I had unintentionally put everything around me on hold: my relationship at the time, phone calls back home, weekly lunches with close friends, daily exercise, and sleep. It wasn’t until I was physically passing out 5-6 times a week had I realized that I was doing something wrong.

By then, it was already too late. I was 9 weeks into the 10-week quarter, and everything around me was breaking down: my relationship fell apart because of neglect; my parents called to reassure me that this class just wasn’t worth it; I lost touch with a lot of close friends because I seemingly “vanished”; I lost 15 lbs over 3 months and was both physically and emotionally drained.

In the end, I still got a 4.0 that quarter, but I was a mess. Being in and out of doctor offices, I eventually recovered physically, but the emotional toll left scars that still remind me to this day to never do that again.

I have an immense amount of respect for my parents, and I don’t think I could ever repay them for the sheer amount of humility and strife that they had to endure to ensure that my brother and I grew up “just like all of the other kids”. It is this “debt” to my parents that drove me to work so hard in school, but what I failed to see is the end goal: to live happily. Of course, my parents would love it if I always got straight A’s, but nothing makes them happier than knowing that their two children are both emotionally and physically healthy.

So, coming into 2018, I worked hard to reprioritize everything. Now, you can find me (probably intoxicated) in the streets of L.A. with some of my closest friends, or at the gym banging out some sets, or in my apartment face-timing my grandmother. Of course, I still study because I’m a full-time student, but there’s definitely more to life than the books.

2.) It’s okay to say “no”, especially when it’s to prioritize myself.

I’ve always found it difficult to say “no” to people. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid that people would be dissatisfied with my rejection, or maybe I’m a human being who sympathizes too much with others’ plight.

In either case, it took me the entirety of the 2018 Fall Quarter internship search to realize that saying “no” in order to prioritize myself is not selfish. This past quarter, I had many interviews lined up with top tech companies, and I did poorly on most of them. Simply put, I didn’t have enough interview preparation time because I was too caught up with club responsibilities and maintaining relationships with friends.

It wasn’t until one day when I was debating if I should go help out with a Creative Labs workshop had I realized the fault in my priorities. That day, my good friend Bryan urged me to stay home and do some interview preparation, saying that “there is no shame” in putting my own career and interests first.

And, he’s completely right. I soon came to the realization that the people around me (i.e. my friends) aren’t going to be upset if I tell them that I can’t fulfill something for them; we’re all busy college students, and if someone doesn’t understand that, then I probably shouldn’t be hanging out with them in the first place.

Moreover, this lesson from 2018 transcends the job hunt for me. It applies to other situations like when I’m asked to go out when I really want to stay in for the night, or when someone wants something from me but it would greatly inconvenience me to deliver it to them. In any case, the bottom line is this: Saying “no” to others in order to exercise self-care is never selfish.

3.) No one else’s opinion matters when it comes to exploring my personal interests.

If you grew up in the Bay Area, you’re probably familiar with the ABG/ABB culture. But, just in case you aren’t from the area, I can paint a quick picture:

ABG: Asian girl who’s into makeup (particularly falsies), dyed hair ranging from blonde to black, painted nail extensions, ear/lip/belly-button piercings

ABB: Asian boy who’s into combovers/fades, hair pomade, ear/lip piercings, supreme attire, modded cars

Both: EDM, raves/music festivals, boba, weed, vaping, adidas/nike attire, dad caps, staying out way too late, getting “lit” with hennessy, playing other peoples’ heart strings too much (i.e. “hoeing” around), lacking a strong identity that transcends the aforementioned interests

When I was growing up, these images were always tied to negative implications. Essentially, if you were an ABG/ABB, you directly contrasted the more popular and traditional view of a “proper” Asian upbringing: being free of substances, not going out every single night, and staying faithful to the books.

So, naturally, I steered clear of ever proclaiming these interests in public because I didn’t want to be associated with a culture that is perceived by those around me in such a derogatory light. In actuality, there are many things on the list that interest me greatly: I like EDM, I like partying excessively with good friends, I like the adidas look, and I like my faded combover.

It wasn’t until my first year in college did I realize just how ridiculous this was: I was afraid to fully embrace what I like because of a fear of what others may think. This would seem more reasonable if we were all still angsty and extremely self-conscious teens in high school, but we’re not. We’re college students, and, unlike high school, no one cares about what you like, what you’re wearing, or who you hang out with, except your closest friends. And, if they’re really your closest friends, then they should accept you for who you are anyway.

In the end, it comes down to how happy you are with yourself as an individual. Whatever society may think of you is completely irrelevant because as long as you are content with the core values that you derive from your own personal interests, then you are ultimately comfortable in your own skin. This is key to true happiness, and anyone trying to stop you from achieving that shouldn’t be in your life anyway.

I know that, deep down, I still have the same core values that define me as an individual. These ABB interests of mine are just catalysts for change: They invite self-exploration and personal reflection; As long as I ensure that this change is objectively positive, through the guidance of my closest friends and my self-judgement, then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with embracing these interests that ultimately make up who I am.

4.) Love is so, so important.

Let me get this straight: I don’t specifically mean romantic love, but a general love.

It’s when my mom stops me on the way out to ask if I have enough spending money for the night. It’s when my grandma restricts me from leaving the house unless I put on an extra sweater. It’s when my friends stick by side until 4 am in the morning because I’ve managed to black out on some random couch in a fraternity house. It’s when I share the music I love with those around me. It’s when I’ve just met someone, but it feels like we’ve known each other for ages.

The truth is: I don’t know everything, but what I do know is that we need empathy. At the end of the day, everyone just wants to be fully understood — to be emotionally connected and personally invested with others.

We want to feel like we belong.

My 2018 was filled with this belonging: spontaneous food outings with my floor-mates, late-night ragers with the Creative Labs family, morning hikes with close friends, long study nights with fellow procrastinators, and mid-day jam sessions in my apartment. It was a year of inclusion for me: I’ve met and gotten to know so many people, most of whom I wish I had met sooner.

In the end, 2018 reminded me that life is a beautiful thing, and I’m glad that you (the reader) are a part of it. Here’s to 2019 and many more memories together.