Catching my Breath

Until 5 months ago, I had been in some kind of relationship for the past 4.5 years. That’s a lot of time and emotional investment spent on another human being.

So when I found myself on my own a few months ago, it was difficult to adjust. Eating on my own became stressful and sometimes painful — I was reminded of how little time I had invested in myself and my own platonic relationships. I was frustrated with myself for depending so much on someone else.

But as time went on, I realized I wasn’t really on my own. My sense of loneliness went away and instead, I became immensely grateful. Looking around me, I saw my friends, my family; I forged new relationships and ameliorated those I already had — I felt more loved, more fulfilled, and more like myself than I had in a long time.

I had lost myself a bit in the whirlwind of dating and relationships. Being so defined by another person or by a relationship had left me confused about who I really was. But now, things are better. I’m not saying that I found myself or that I’ve sworn off relationships for the rest of my life; rather, these few months have really been a blessing — a chance to catch my breath and to be a bit more selfish with my time and energy.