Men, we don’t deserve this!
Ladies IKEA is not a man’s friend.
I am sitting out on the back patio with the Sidekick. It is a chilly morning. He has all this energy, and I am one tired Grandpa. He looks at me with the expression, “come on, Grandpa, I am fully recharged.” In comparison, I sit here, emotionally drained because I had to put together an IKEA project.
Those that don’t know, they do not come with the best instructions. I think that I speak for all men when I say, “no man wants to put together an IKEA project. I mean, no man.”
Just a few days ago, my wife boasted about the fact that she went to the big city and spent two hours in IKEA. I saw this on the all-mighty Facebook. My head dropped, and I just dreaded it. I know what that means, a project with crappy instructions. I contemplated heading off to the liquor store and I rarely drink.
Now I am not one that can’t figure things out. I will give a few examples here to justify my solving problems prowess. I have restored a car completely. I have built another car entirely, not restored. I mean, I built that motor scooter from the ground up. Not many people can say that. I have negotiated my way through a minefield (that is a true story), and as we can tell, I am here to tell about it. I have figured out how to travel to other countries where I don’t speak the language. I have negotiated with leaders from other countries. The list goes on and on. But these are all easier than a project from IKEA.
If you have seen one of these projects, you know that they come with all these parts that were put in there for a reason. Sometimes you get proper instructions, then sometimes, you get a few photos, and that is it. Then it is all guesswork. IKEA is notorious for this. This is a project just like learning 1 plus 1 equals 2 then they tell you to use the Pythagorean theorem to solve a problem.
Honestly, who the hell is this fiberboard genius that can’t give us decent instructions? Why does this person hate us? What did we ever do to deserve this? Whoever pissed you off, I will apologize to them and even pay tribute if necessary. I know if my wife just wouldn’t go there, then I wouldn’t have IKEA projects. But that is like telling someone with drug addiction not to do drugs. IKEA has women wrapped around their fingers. It is like a magnet. Yep, I am calling it for what it is. Women love IKEA as much as they love chocolate, Rip from Yellowstone, or being right.
It takes a lot of brain power to complete an IKEA project. On the boxes that come from IKEA there should be a sign on it like toys for kids. You know this toy is for 4 and up or adults only. IKEA boxes should have on there “PhD and up,” “nuclear engineer and up,” “rocket scientist and up,” or “IKEA component maker and up.” But most should have a sign just saying, “not for the average man; ladies don’t put your guy through this.” Just so we know what we are in for.
Maybe I didn’t survive that minefield, and this is my hell? I just don’t know it. If so, this is not what I envisioned at all.
Regardless, yesterday, I painstakingly completed an IKEA project. I will need to seek my therapist for lengthy counsel, but for now, I guess my Sidekick will do. As I confide in him, I will advise him to stay away from the woman who knows the word IKEA. I want him to have a better life than that. I have a theory. The person who makes the instructions for the IKEA projects just happens to be a woman.
This is My Friday Thoughts to Ponder for the Weekend!!!!
The Vet
