Why I had no white friends until college
My best friend today is white, but it wasn’t like that before
The last time I remember having close white friends was first grade. We met in kindergarten, and we had all the same interests. We loved Barbies, we loved reading, and we loved running around the playground during recess. But after the first grade, I drifted, and things changed. The next time I had a close white friend, I was 18 and in college.
Did I intentionally seek out people of color when constructing my circle? Of course not, but somehow it happened. In hindsight, I think I know why.
Of course, my hometown’s demographics have something to do with it; the last I heard, our population was over 40% South Asian. And like I’ve said in my previous stories, the upper level classes which I was in were dominated by Indian kids. So it only makes sense that the majority of my circle was made up of Asian-Americans.
But digging deeper, there was definitely a cultural barrier that my teenage self could not look past. It was just so easy to talk to people like me. People who shared the same skin color, same experiences, and the same religion. I felt like I didn’t have to explain my experiences, like I didn’t have to preface anything.
I felt like white people didn’t get me. And some of them didn’t. But then again, some Indian people didn’t get me. It was really just a personality thing. But I generalized, and I stuck to hanging out with people ethnically similar to me.
I’ve learned that this is very dangerous. Not only was I isolating myself from people with totally different backgrounds and world views, but I was making it harder to bridge the gap I felt. Thinking about this in today’s context, it makes sense to me why America is so polarized. People build networks of people exactly like them. And when you share the same experiences and the same political views, you cannot bridge the gap that exists between you and the “other side.” America reflects my teenage experience, except magnified by about 300 million. Yeah. Definitely a recipe for disaster.
That being said, one of my best friends today is white (and she is absolutely amazing), and my social circle is much more diverse. While I do have to explain myself sometimes, I always find it exciting. I’m enlightening someone who may not understand the experiences I’ve had. And I love the network I’ve built. I’m backed by supportive friends, and am always open to making more.
Have you had a similar experience? Let me know below! Follow me on Twitter @PoojaBNarayanan.
