Masculinity — A perspective
I hope the New Year has started out with a bang and that positivity and success follows you this year.
This is my first time writing in a long time and I chose this topic because I’m sure those of us that have seen Lucas’ “hyper masculine performances” on BkChat LDN engaged in some sort of discussion around opinions of his mentality and antics, if that isn’t the case I am more than a bit envious that you did not care.
Personally, I was irked by his behaviour and thought about the best way to tackle this, being that I’m female and do not wish to attack anyone (so I apologise if I do so). I decided to tackle Masculinity and its consequent propagation of emotional disconnection and the idea of a ‘male ego’ from my perspective.
Let’s begin by getting a few things out the way. There is a faction of men, not all, that suffer from suppressed emotions that they do not know how to talk about, or feel comfortable addressing and it’s not an insecurity nor is it a flaw. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t empathise with the male emotion so the outrage tends to be destructive to the victims of this inequality. The common response ‘boys will be boys’ not only is used an excuse but also as a ploy to keep feeding the male ego but destroy his humanity.
This is where we fail: by projecting everything a “man” is, teaching him about ego and war but taking away his empathy thus stripping him of his ability to reason with emotion. We, as a society, have created unemotional robots with the idea of an alpha male, programmed with every wrong thing and those who speculate are often laughed at or regarded with suspicion. That essentially becomes the male ego; that despised machine powered by what some women project as ‘man’ but then proceed to kill the offspring of mankind– emotions.
Allow me to further explain through two scenarios:
- You (woman) meets a guy who appears stable, is externally quite attractive, has pull/ power/money but lack emotions or the ability to form a connection with you.
- You meet a guy. He has an okay job, is open/ expressive, is trying and you have the potential to or have a connection. He lacks what you normally go for though.
They both court you (woman) so who do you choose? Realistically speaking, I am under the impression that most women would gravitate towards the first. Why?
To fulfill the status quo.
The man of the first scenario shows “more” promise, exudes fun but serves to support misplaced priorities. We tend to shun the stereotypical male ego whilst still feeding it all the things that we complain it should not be. We tend to leave no room for emotions, and are left confused by the resulting lack of substance. It’s sad when you comprehend that in this day and age vulnerability is an issue that we must continue to address. Vulnerability on a whole is not a laughing matter, with relation to the male ego, it should not be regarded as a sign of weakness rather, the opposite. It projects the opposite of what we’ve been fed and have come to accept as masculinity. Reason, empathy and compassion has been stripped away and replaced by the male ego to a point where they probably do not genuinely know how to identify their own feelings let alone the feelings of others. The focus is not so much a feeling but knowing how to express them without being subdued.
I believe a healthier balance should be promoted, similarly, some things must be unlearned. Both men and women must reject the social construct that is masculinity as we know it, start over and adapt. Being open to being exposed and vulnerable should be encouraged with patience and empathy as a social norm. Regardless of attraction we must starve the ego we collectively fight against, we must challenge the male ego and create a safe space for emotions to be channeled and be held accountable. To fix the issue we must starve that which perpetuates it to feed new emotional growth.
Sending love and light your way.