The Curious Leader
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The Curious Leader

Are You Being Seduced by Emotional Debt?

Each of us has created emotional debt through some form of seduction.
Picture by Freepik and FAVPNG

Pick a relationship where you got seduced by the other person. What went through your mind as they made you feel desired and wanted? Did you question their hidden agenda and yours? Or did you ignore the price to pay for throwing caution to the wind?

Under the covers

Seduction is a one-way street where each person pushes for their own hidden agenda.

Allow me to explain.

Imagine there’s a woman who wants to have a child, but she does not want to be in a relationship. She meets a man she thinks could father that child. So she wears the lingerie to get what she wants — a sperm donation.

The man looks at her in her lingerie. Smiling, he believes he is going to have sex with her. She tells him there’s no cost to him, and he should just come closer.

Taking her into his arms, he hides from her that he is married. He believes there’s no consequence for having sex with her because his wife will never know.

Let me be bold. The woman is seducing by not stating what she wants. And the man is being seduced by the idea of getting what he thinks he wants without any consequence.

Pulling off the covers

In seduction,

the seductress or seducer is COVERT about what it is they want

the seduced is COVERT about the acknowledgement of the cost (the price to pay) for the seduction

Be honest with yourself. When you look at the relationship where you got seduced by the other person,

  • What made you do it?
  • What made you throw caution to the wind?
  • What made you believe you could get away with it at no cost?

A naked truth

Emotional debt is putting our needs onto others without conscious agreement from both sides. In the example above, the woman did not tell him he would be her sperm donor. And he did not tell her what his cheating would do to his marriage.

What about you? When you got seduced by the other person, did you ignore the cost of the seduction because you thought “no one will know” or “there’s no cost”?

You are not alone. Recently, I did a series of polls where I asked questions about emotional debt. I wanted to know if people understood what emotional debt is and what it does. Here are some of the results from these polls.

Let that sink in.

76% know that emotional debt destroys relationships

80% have a hard time owning their needs

88% said they could make more efforts to get out of emotional debt

Here’s what I’d like you to get.

Though people know that secretly getting their needs met by others creates emotional debt, they seem willing to destroy relationships because they think they can get away with it. In other words, most people do not seem to care about the cost to them (or others) as long as they get what they think they want.

It makes me wonder. Do we believe the end justifies the means? Is it okay to toy with one’s well-being because we’re too afraid to state what we want and what would satisfy our needs? Are we so full of ourselves that we think we can get away with our complacency?

P.S. Let me be clear. Each of us has created emotional debt through some form of seduction. We did it not because we are terrible people but because we may find it difficult to own our needs. Think about it for a moment. How would someone go about getting their needs met if, at some point, they were made wrong for asking for what they needed?

Don’t be part of the 88% failing!

Make solving your emotional debt a priority.

Anne Beaulieu, inspiring the next generation of emotionally intelligent, strategic women through:

  • Your personal emotionally intelligent strategic plan
  • Developing strategic emotional intelligence
  • Financial EQ coaching
  • Financial EQ consulting
  • Financial EQ implementation of your emotionally intelligent strategic plan
  • Chartered financial analysis
  • Finance economics
  • Forbes and The Curious Leader value contributor

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