The Integrity of NO!

Don’t you just love getting referrals? Recently someone I had previously mentored/consulted with contacted me to introduce me to another professional they thought I could be of service to. from my perspective, it’s always an honor to get referrals.

Following up I asked the person inquiring to send me a note regarding what they were looking for and the next day they did so. This individual outlined among other things, that he would be taking over as president of a midsize organization. The board had asked him to find an executive coach/mentor/advisor to help him work on the few aspects of their assessment of him that needed work. There was a lack of specifics, but what I thought was enough for us to start a conversation.

Writing back I offered time and said that I’d like to connect over Skype, (this was the days before zoom) I find great value in seeing the face and expressions of those I work with. I asked for this person’s name and got exactly this: “No idea. I don’t do Skype”. (First warning sign… not that he doesn’t do Skype, but rather that this was the entirety of the message.)

I decided that response could have been for any number of good reasons as none of us know what’s going on in someones life in the moment they are responding to a message. Staying compassionate, I responded by giving my number and confirming our meeting time. The meeting time came and went. I wrote to ask if there could have been a miscommunication or if anything tragic had happened. Two hours later the person responds and “tells” (not asks) me that they will call at another time.

When the phone rang I was just between appointments and my assistant put him through. When I asked what had happened, the answer I received with a chuckle in his voice was “a bunch of things” I replied with “I see. I did send you a couple of messages asking if you were okay, and that I hoped nothing tragic had happened.”

This future president said; “You seem to be bothered by this”

“I am,” I replied… “I hold myself and the leaders I work with to a high level of accountability and integrity. I have no challenge with things coming up, it happens. However, it’s vital that we treat the people we are engaged with respect, and that we stay in communication, or we are completely out of integrity”

His response; “Let’s not waste time, this isn’t going to work out” I agreed and we hung up.

What a powerful lesson. Here we have a great example of boundaries, leadership, communication and integrity and how they mean different things to different folks. Every clue I could need was right there as to why this person was not a good fit for me (nor I for him).

In a previous article called “Why You May Need To Become a More Docile leader” I spoke about the importance of leaders being open and coachable. Clearly, this was someone who was sending the message, that their time, their agenda was more important than mine. Based on this interaction it was clear that this person did not want to nor have any interest in being held accountable. Furthermore, it was clear that we had very different meanings for integrity. Put simply, it was clear to me that this person was only reaching out to me because the board said they had to, and that’s not the kind of client I work with.

One of the sad things about our industry (coaches, trainers, consultants and mentors) is the desperation. All too often, people in the industry do not set their own standards. They let the client dictate the parameters of the relationship and what’s really sad is that you cannot serve someone who does not respect you.

Knowing who you don’t want to work with is every bit as important as knowing who you do want to work with.

As a P.S. I would suggest that you apply the key points below not only to clients and potential clients but to any and all your relationship. I promise you, you will be a lot happier!

5 Key points:

• Everyone has their own values and boundaries, no matter which side of the table you are on, you must be crystal clear about your own. Do not work with someone who has values that don’t work for you.
• Check the value system you are operating out of, does it keep you growing or keep you stuck?
• In every encounter, pay attention right away. In any relationship, every challenge you’ll ever have is right in front of you. The warning signs are there in the first encounter if you pay attention.
• Know who your clients are, and who they are not! Not being clear about who you are not interested in working with means you are open to anyone who comes along and if you think you have a brand this will at best dilute it, and at worse completely devalues you and what you do.
• Remember; true and authentic leaders have great boundaries, this means they say No more often. Get good at saying No!

I trust that you found this article valuable, if so, feel free to send this to your friends. I eagerly anticipate your feedback and comments.

Dov Baron is first and foremost “The Dragonist”. As The Dragonist, he teaches us how to recognize, find, retain and nurture dragons (top talent) hidden within our organizations.

Want to learn more about what Dov has to offer, and how you too can become a Dragonist in your realm? If you and your leadership team are dedicated to getting the result you set out to achieve in the most meaningful manner, bring Dov in to speak to your organization about the strategic advantages of Dragon Leadership. Go here to get started.

With gratitude,
Dov Baron…

Copyright: Dov Baron International 2021