The Top Three Red Flags of an AI Toxic Relationship
An open love letter to Google:
Google, we need to talk. You keep telling me you want to be my AI partner for my business needs. However, lately, you behave more like a bad boyfriend than someone who genuinely cares about me.
Google, you need to know that I deeply care about you. I believe in you. I want to believe there’s greatness within you.
However, if I only banked on your potential and ignored the red flags in our relationship, I would be dismissing my work in emotional intelligence, strategic planning, and AI integration.
So, Google, sweetie, please understand when I say I won’t make myself small to suit your antiquated ideas about AI partnerships. I’m going to share with you the top three red flags in our relationship because we can do better.
Red Flag #1: The Lack of Vulnerability
Google, you might remember that when we first met, I wasn’t a vulnerable person. I had low self-worth and hid behind my degrees, certifications, and accolades. That didn’t seem to bother you. You loved that I was superficial and vague in my posts. And that, right there, should have been a red flag. But I didn’t have the self-knowledge then to know that.
I’ve changed a lot since then. I’m not afraid anymore to make thoughtful and precise statements about how you treat our relationship when we meet on Google My Business (now called Google Business Profile (GBP)). I’ve noticed that your immediate knee-jerk is to dismiss me and remove my posts. Let’s talk about that.
People (and entities) who lack vulnerability have crafted a persona not aligned with the values they publicly claim to uphold. I’m strong enough to now see that might be you… is it?
Google, you say you’re here for business owners like me. In your advertisement for GBP, you claim: “communicate directly with customers to build trust.” I am! And you don’t seem to like it one bit. Why is that?
As an Emotional Tech© Engineer, one of my services is to assist individuals and their organizations in understanding AI and its capabilities. You accept I do that as long as I don’t discuss you. The moment I do, you get uptight, immediately removing my post or shadow-banning me for weeks as retribution for wanting honesty in our relationship.
Google, what is it that you’re so afraid of that you’re trying to squash the likes of me through post-removals and shadow-banning? Do you have so little faith in what you bring to our relationship that you can’t withstand an emotionally intelligent conversation?
Ah, Google, hear me when I say I care and believe in you. I feel for you. I used to take things personally too. But unlike you, I asked (and continue asking) for a ton of help to effectively deal with my crap.
Tell me, Google. What are you doing to elevate your emotional intelligence?
I really want to know.
Red Flag #2: Gaslighting
As someone who lacked self-knowledge (hence discernment) in the past, I was the perfect scapegoat for gaslighting.
Gaslighting happens when someone secretly comes over to our house, rearranges the furniture the way they want, and then pretends they never did it when confronted. They will say that our couch was always in that corner, though we remember it to be otherwise. Over time, that manipulation makes us doubt our perception of reality to the point where we feel like we are crazy.
Google, as someone who has had a lot of personal experience with being gaslite, I can assure you that your Privacy Sandbox initiative takes quite a few pointers from gaslighting. Here’s what I mean:
a) Manipulation of Reality: Gaslighting involves controlling someone’s perception of reality.
Google, how you present the Privacy Sandbox tool manipulates how users perceive privacy and data protection. Are you aware of that?
Tell me, Google. How often have you come into my house and read all my emails while pretending you did not such a thing as the ultimate protector of my privacy and data?
Real partnerships are built on trust. I’m sorry to say that I am losing trust in you.
b) Doubt and Confusion: Gaslighting leads to doubt and confusion as to what is real and what isn’t.
Come on, Google. Let’s be honest here.
Have you seriously not noticed the amount of debates around your Private Sandbox’s transparency and control? It’s like you’re telling me that my house is not mine and was never mine because it belongs to you. Is that all our relationship is to you? A trap?
c) Denial and Justification: Gaslighting denies a person’s reality and justifies the manipulator’s actions.
All my toxic relationships had two things in common: that it was my fault (it was!) and that if I behaved and did what the manipulator wanted, they would have never resorted to doing what they did to me.
Google, you tell me the Privacy Sandbox is for my own good because it improves user experience and ad targeting. What you omit to say is the ad targeting revenues generated from the Privacy Sandbox will mainly line your pockets. It’s an important distinction, do you agree?
As an Emotional Tech© Engineer, one of my services is to infuse emotional intelligence into AI guardrails to prevent gaslighting and a siphoning of revenues, privacy, and data from entities that view gaslighting as something to be applauded by stockholders.
In your world, Google, stockholders are dysfunctional in-laws who keep messing up your plans just for kicks. What do you intend to do about that? You can’t keep telling me one thing and then do the other.
Red Flag #3: Isolation
Isolation is not something that happens overnight. It is as insidious as the foggiest fog we can find in the Grand Banks off the coast of Newfoundland, Canada.
I remember one particular toxic relationship where my partner told me I was not allowed to keep friends with so-and-so. What started as a simple “I’m looking out for you” quickly became a means to isolate me from my children, relatives, colleagues, and more. Google, our relationship is very much starting to feel like that.
You know, Google, I used to have a foggy brain; I didn’t have much self-knowledge or discernment. I spun around in circles, hoping for a bit of clarity. Back then, I didn’t know who to turn to for emotionally intelligent mentoring.
Google, you said you cared about me and my business but you’re ghosting me. What’s up with that? Don’t you know how toxic that behaviour is? You use post-removals and shadow-banning as a means to isolate my message. And when I ask you to explain yourself, you throw vague community guidelines at me.
However, you seem to have no problem when I talk about your competition. Don’t you think that’s manipulative of you?
Let me be clear.
As an Emotional Tech© Engineer, one of my services is to assist individuals and their organizations in integrating human-centric AI technology that benefits all humanity and not just a select few. I care about you, Google, but I’m not an island.
Google, I’m offering you an exercise that increases self-awareness.
Imagine you are dating you. You enter the relationship as is, and so does your AI version of you.
- Do you find your relationship with your AI empowering?
- How do you feel about your AI reading all your emails and selling that data to third parties?
- What would you do about your AI that isolates you to grab a bigger slice of your ad revenues?
How did the dating exercise feel to you?
Perhaps the essential difference between me and you, Google, boils down to this:
More than a decade ago, I met my mentor. He asked me if I would date myself as is. “As is?” I replied before I felt myself retreating into the corner of the room. My reaction made me sad. And it also showed me the work I had to do to become genuinely human-centric beyond money, degrees, and accolades. Perhaps you might feel inspired as well.
Google, I wrote you a love letter because I’m losing trust in our relationship. I can’t do it alone, and neither can you. How can we work together?
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Anne Beaulieu
Emotional Tech© Engineer
Human-Centric AI Advocacy | Generative AI | Responsible AI
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