Three Ways to Recognize You Are in Emotional Debt
“Why can’t he understand what I want?” my client said, feeling resentful that the love of her life was not getting it on purpose. “Doesn’t he know what he is doing is causing me pain?”
“What is it that you want from him?” I asked.
My client swallowed the tears threatening to come down her cheeks and angrily replied, “I want him to always be there for me. I want him to put me first, and I want him to make me happy.”
Know that my client is a mother and a highly successful entrepreneur. Her place of business makes you want to take your wallet out and give her more business. She cares deeply and wants to succeed. So, what’s the problem?
The problem is emotional debt: putting our needs onto others without a conscious agreement or self-awareness on both sides.
Here are three ways to recognize you are in emotional debt:
Sign #1 You are feeling resentful.
A clear sign of emotional debt is resenting someone because they did not meet your needs.
When my client said, “I want him to always be there for me,” she showed a sign of emotional debt. She resented her spouse for not meeting all her needs all the time.
Ask yourself what it means to you to have someone there for you. If you expect others to give up everything for you because you think they should, that belief system can cause deep resentment on both sides.
Sign #2 You constantly ask others to put you first.
A clear sign of emotional debt is constantly asking others to put your needs above their well-being.
When my client said, “I want him to put me first,” she showed a sign of emotional debt. She kept asking her spouse to put his needs aside for her.
Ask yourself what well-being means to you. Expecting others to constantly put your needs first leads to a lack of well-being and resentment (see sign #1).
Sign #3 You feel unfulfilled.
A clear sign of emotional debt is feeling unfulfilled in your relationships.
When my client said, “I want him to make me happy,” she showed a sign of emotional debt. She expected her spouse to fill her emotional void.
Ask yourself what it means to you to feel fulfilled. Here’s a hint. You are the only one who feels your feelings and can fill your emotional void. Let me be clear. Your happiness is too important to put in the hands of others.
Through working together, my client understood she got stuck in a belief system that kept creating emotional debt.
With that in mind, let me ask you.
⚈ Where do you feel resentful?
⚈ How is that resentment coming from a place where you ask others to meet your needs without their agreement?
⚈ What belief system do you have that tells you that others are supposed to make you happy?
Anne Beaulieu, inspiring the next generation of emotionally intelligent, strategic women through
- developing strategic emotional intelligence
- financial EQ coaching and financial emotional intelligence consulting
- financial EQ implementation of your emotionally intelligent strategic plan
- chartered financial analysis and finance economics
- emotional rudder guiding you in solving emotional debt
- Forbes and The Curious Leader value contributions
