4 Things You Need To Do When An In-Law Is Living With You
Life with a spouse and children comes with its level of difficulty. Adding an in-law into the mix only heightens that difficulty — even if you’re a single dad or it's only you and your spouse.
Keep in mind, this article is not limited to only when an in-law is living with you but will also prove useful when its another relative, friend, or stranger.
Here are four things you can do as a dad that will lead to an overall better experience for your household.
#1. Set boundaries
This one is obvious to some, but you’d be surprised how many don’t consider establishing ground rules.
Your boundaries should be reasonable and reflective of your family values.
That said, don’t allow them to disrespect your spouse or children, even though they’re your spouse's parent.
As a Dad, it’s your responsibility to protect your family, even from their kin.
Boundaries regarding disciplining the children, rhetoric, certain lifestyle choices that can affect the entire household, and more are all topics to consider.
#2. Ensure they understand they’re living with you and not the other way around
This can easily become misconstrued depending on the in-law. If you’re dealing with a controlling personality expect them to try and run your house.
That can be anything from moving furniture after you and your spouse spent hours setting it in a preferred position, teaching your kids habits that conflict with your principles, or even throwing get-togethers without informing you.
It needs to be clear that it’s your house. Suggestions on how to do things may be welcomed but they shouldn’t overstep into the realm of doing whatever they please.
#3. Don’t lord it over them.
Chances are they’re living with you because they can’t live on their own, whether that be due to some of the following but not limited to:
- Physical disability
- Unexpected life circumstances
- Finances.
Sometimes it can be a mental health issue where they’re afraid or believe they’re incapable of living alone. Regardless, don’t lord it over them that they’re in your house. Establish that, set the ground rules, and let them be.
If an offense happens, address it but don’t be quick to use the “my house, my rules, don’t like it, leave,” speech. Put yourself in their shoes. Those words are like a guillotine hanging over their head ready to fall.
As frustrating as they can be, give them grace, but also remember if it becomes too toxic you may want to explore some other alternatives for them such as:
- An in-law suite
- 55+ Communities nearby that you can help finance if needed
- Them living with another relative they get along with
Just try not to kick them to the curb.
#4. Negotiate contributions/expectations.
Money is usually the first thing that comes to mind, but that’s not the only aspect I’m referring to.
In my situation, the greatest contribution my mother-in-law can give is watching the kids for my wife and me. Yes, free babysitting.
I don’t feel wrong considering it. I don’t require financial contributions or any other for that matter, just watching the kids when we need her to takes a great deal off our shoulders.
Be fair and let your in-law know ahead of time with contributions like this when you can. They have a life too.
I hope these will prove useful to you!
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