I’m Done Telling My Kids to be Careful
A brainstorm of more constructive commands than just being careful
I saw it all happen in slow motion.
I was pushing the cart in Wal-Mart with our youngest son. I was bringing up the end of our family train as all six of us were out shopping. Right in front of me our “marches to the beat of a different drum” four-year-old was walking along looking at everything that was not right in front of him.
BAM! Bloody nose.
He slammed his face right into one of those shelves at the end of an aisle.
I think I got out “look ou…” right before it happened. Then we entered the calm before the storm.
It’s those few seconds where it is taking his brain to process the pain he just inflicted on himself. You can see the pain in his eyes but the cry has not yet reached his lips.
It was sad.
The kid wasn’t even doing anything dangerous though. Which seems to happen a lot.
He’s the one who broke a bone and got stitches earlier this year.
The stitches were from tripping outside.
The broken bone happened while he was sleeping and he fell out of bed (broke the clavicle, which we learned is a fancy word for collar bone).
I have four kids.
Four sons.
The chances of any one of them being hurt at any moment is pretty high. One of them is probably bleeding as I type this out.
As a result I don’t think I have become cold to injury. I’m just realistic. They’re kids and they are going to get hurt.
Bloody noses, bruised foreheads, skinned legs, and scraped hands are all a part of the game.
And I’m okay with it.
It’s all part of growing, learning limitations and pushing past them.
Our almost eight year old is enamored with America Ninja Warrior. I will come home and he will recount the episode he watched, filling me in on their names, back stories and which obstacle they fell on.
He has already decided that when he gets old enough he’s going on the show. He has made our backyard into a small course and for his birthday (later this month) we have bought a few items to further this dream.
Yet, you don’t complete the obstacles on America Ninja Warrior without a few bumps and bruises along the way.
You don’t get there by being careful.
Our six year old watches dances from the show So You Think You Can Dance. He was enrolled in a dance class earlier this year and is set to enroll again.
Dancers have to push their bodies to do amazing tricks. There’s a smart way to train but it certainly doesn’t come about by being too careful.
It requires pushing their bodies and minds passed what they think they can do.
I’ve already introduced you to the adventurous four-year-old.
And the two year old just wants to do absolutely everything the other three can (and he puts forward a good effort). He tends to freak people out when we go to the park.
It makes me laugh.
I catch myself all the time exclaiming, “Be careful! Oh be careful! Watch out, be careful!”
And the more I think about the phrase and my usage of it the less I like it.
It goes against the adventures I want to see them take.
I do not want to encourage recklessness.
That being said, I don’t want them to shy away from danger either. Life brings all kinds of danger our way and it’s when we rise above or overcome the danger that we continue on to great things.
It’s not always “safe” to move to a new place.
Olympic athletes perform dangerous tasks.
Strength comes from facing danger, not running from it.
Strength does not come from “being careful.”
I’ve been trying to come up with alternatives to just telling my boys to “be careful.”
Pay attention to your surroundings.
I like this one because it encourages them to go ahead and try, yet to see what is around them. What obstacles are present which may hinder their success? Paying attention is good practice for day to day living as well.
Think of the consequences.
Is the outcome going to be worth the risk? If so, go for it! Don’t shy away from it because it is going to be difficult. Sometime, though we try too much without proper evaluation.
Should you ask for help?
Some tasks need to be completed on their own. There’s certain confidence that comes from doing something on our own. Yet there are times we need help, and it’s okay to ask for it. I also want them to know they can ask me for that help and I’ll be there when they need it.
All of these may mean something similar to “being careful” but I prefer them.
Besides, I’m finding they don’t really listen when I call out, “BE CAREFUL,” anyway.
