Leading By Example

Reflections on a fatherly example

I have mentioned before, but I have four sons, and my oldest, my seven-year-old, is a lot like me.

The older he gets the more I see myself in him.

He thrives when the rules are outlined clearly and there is a consistent schedule. So do I.

He loves to go fishing. I was actually pleasantly surprised by this a few years ago. Even at the age of four this kid would cast and reel for literally hours. It made my heart happy.

Now he has picked up running. Since the eighth grade, I have loved to run. It relieves stress, helps keep me healthy, and all around makes me feel accomplished and better about myself.

After I ran the Hannibal Cannibal, a race on Independence Day weekend in America’s Hometown, he expressed that he wanted to run it next year. Now there’s a kid race, but that’s not the one he wants to run.

He wants to complete a 5k.

So for a week now he has run a .3 mile loop around the block several times a day. Actually, yesterday he started going two loops at a time.

He’s running a half-mile a few times a day.

I bring this up a little to brag on my eldest son.

Because I think he’s pretty awesome.

I also bring it up because it reminded me that my kids are always watching me.

They will take interest in what I take an interest.

I know there are exceptions to this “rule.” Even within my own family, I have kids who are taking interest in other things.

Our second born enrolled in a dance class this year. That’s not something I would have ever done.

Even our first born isn’t completely a carbon copy. He loves to bird watch which is not something I passed on to him.

This means I need to be mindful of what occupies my time.

If my face is buried in a screen all of the time, they will learn there is much value in that action. There is value in screen time, but I do not want to spend every spare minute on one because it is a trait they will pick up.

It’s one I’m watching our whole world pick up.

They will watch what I watch.

When it is time for screens, chances are they are going to engage in similar things I do.

They’ve played pokemon, watched superhero shows, and participated in Lego video games.

All my boys are seven and under, they don’t need to be involved in gory TV, lots of bad language, or provocative images. If it is what I watched when they were around they would pick all that up and it would shape them.

None of that would contribute to the kind of men I want to see them grow up to be.

They will treat their mother the way I treat her.

This one is huge.

If I treat my wife with disrespect it should come as no surprise when my children treat her the same way.

They will also be learning how to treat their future wives in the way I am treating my wife.

Am I making a good example? Am I setting them up for success?

I once sat in court for a member of our church congregation. The couple had been divorced and they were in constant custody battles. At the end of the hearing, the judge looked at them both and addressed their relationship.

“I know the two of you don’t like each other. That’s why you are divorced. But when the kids are with you [looking at father], she is the best mother in the world. And when the kids are with you [looks at mother], he is the best father in the world.”

It’s important for us to set aside ourselves for the sake of our kids to set them up for success in their lives and in their future relationships.

They will speak and act how I speak and act.

Is the language I’m using the kind of language I want spilling from their mouths?

Do I want them to learn to get easily angered in traffic?

How do I want them to treat strangers? Those in need? Their own brothers?

They are going to learn all of that from my example.

It is a sobering thought, knowing my boys will pick up so much from my example.

I want to do everything I can to make sure I’m making it a good one.