Slow It Down For Your Kids
They need your wisdom.
I’ve written previously about slowing your life down, eschewing the frantic pace presented to us, and living deliberately. Time and space are needed for proper reflection and crafting our knowledge and experiences into wisdom. Living more slowly provides us with breathing space to understand what kind of life we want to live.
Striving to live deliberately becomes even more pressing if one has children. Now there is not your character, priorities, and goals to attend to, but your kid’s. You’re concerned about the people they will become, how their experiences will turn out, and what they might accomplish. You’re interested in the life they will lead.
Whatever they end up pursuing in life, we need to be concerned that they seek a life well-lived. We can give them a great head start in this journey, creating opportunities in our daily lives for addressing the areas in their life that are the most impactful for a full life. And this is intensely personal: your kids need the wisdom that only you can provide from a life lived slowly.
Destinations
Our kids need to know where we are going. Kids love structure, plans, and objectives. Taking time to slow down gives us room to talk about those goals and destinations. It’s an opportunity to engage our children in the process.
And this isn’t about immediate physical destinations, such as where to go camping or what social events to attend. The objectives and goals that need addressing are where we are going as people and as a family. Our kids need a standard to meet, not only a measure of behavior but also a rule of the heart.
How do they view themselves?
How do they deal with other people?
How do they handle conflict?
All of these are questions of the heart and developing the character of our children. They only get priority if we slow down, talk about them with our kids, and make time for instruction.
Missing Out
It doesn’t matter what your background is, how much money you make, or what education you have received: you’re the #1 teacher for your kids. (No one else is in line for the job.) And it’s your wisdom that they need and that they’ll miss out on if you don’t organize your time and priorities.
Don’t think you have any wisdom to share? You’ve been navigating life for years. You have experiences, trials, joys, relationships, and observations; it sounds like good raw material for wisdom. If we’re living more slowly, we have both the time to reflect on that wisdom, alongside more opportunities to share it with our kids.
Your Wisdom
If everything in your family’s life is GO all the time and it’s a non-stop task list of activities and obligations, when will you get to know your children? When will you take the time to understand their specific needs, questions, and personalities? Will they have the opportunity to know you as well?
Your children can learn from many sources: teachers, pastors, books, friends, etc. But few of those sources are deeply concerned with their character to the level you are as their parent. Your specific and personal wisdom is what they need. They need instruction on how to see the world, what to believe about it, what’s important, and what’s not.
It’s Not Lazy
Recognizing that there is a limited number of hours and energy during a given day, teaching our children to be patient with today (as well as tomorrow) is vital. Saying “No.” to specific activities or obligations is not lazy, it’s maturity. Recognizing that we cannot do everything in one day, we need to teach our children the same. It’s the mark of the aware and reflective individual that they understand their priorities and where to put their energies. And sometimes that priority is doing nothing.
Some folks might think that doing nothing is a gross misdemeanor, but there’s a difference in being and doing. Often wisdom is about being something before we start doing something. Spending a low-key morning doing nothing except being around each other is not lazy and unproductive; it’s getting to know each other merely by being around each other. We do not always have to be explicitly doing something, to accomplish something.
Urgency
Attempting to be everything to everyone only leads to stress and burnout. Our society will pressure and nudge us to step on the treadmill and keep going until we collapse. The urgency we feel in most matters is overblown. Most things that are urgent are rarely important, and essential elements in our life are part of long term endeavors. Urgency is a fickle stressor: there’s always work to do, or some righteous cause to champion; the opportunities for where to put our attention and energy are endlessly clamoring.
But what about the great endeavor of raising confident, productive, faithful human beings? No one else is going to tackle that work in your family. We do need a sense of urgency, but it needs to translate into diligence. Let’s not be urgent to raise the star Little League pitcher, the most popular one in their group, or first place at every possible school subject or club. Those things are fine, but they’re secondary to a life well-lived, and they’re not where our wisdom needs application in their lives.
Instead, our diligence needs application at the foundational principles of character, to matters of the heart. And that diligence doesn’t come if we’re moving through our days too quickly. Your children need the wisdom of your life lived slowly. Take time to collect your thoughts. Then take the time to share them with your kids. It will be one of the greatest gifts you can provide to them.
Moving forward
Do you take time out to deliberately instruct and shepherd your children each day?
Start today: it can be as little as a few minutes in the beginning, but start the conversation with your kids. Get to know what they need and where your wisdom can help them.
