Entry 8

I went out last night. I played open mic, I played at a bar, I’m exhausted.
It’s as though every inch of me is perforated, like a paper towel, and all its going to take is one pair of filthy or newly washed hands tugging lightly to unravel me.
That said, I like this state of mind. My brain is like a small child on these days, meandering into odd places, laying down on the floor, and picking up and chewing on weird shit.
I thought, for fun, I’d just try and keep track of some of my trains of thought today, to show you what it’s like in here (my head).

1.) Right now I’m thinking about how to clear my mind and let thoughts generate naturally. Knowing that I’m trying to track my weird inner thoughts, I’m sitting on the train trying to imagine, “well, what the fuck do I usually think about?”

2.) Graffiti is something I have a hard time understanding initially, but with this challenge of tracking myself, I’ve realized I totally DO get it. I don’t like what it looks like, but I can get behind wanting to leave your mark, regardless of how temporary it is. And, as a pretend-artist myself, I understand… you do the thing you can do to say something, and you do it for yourself. Then you look at it, and a tiny part of you is kind of maybe perhaps potentially a bit proud, but mostly you’re like, “that’s fucking ugly.”

3.) Happy. Things are blooming, it’s sunny, I’m on a fucking train. Happy.

4.) God, I want a dog.

5.)I like industrial areas. I think part of it is because everyone here is minding their own business. No one is here because they want to be, it’s out of necessity.

6.) A vampire is one of the only things in the whole world that literally anyone can be.

7.) Crickets are loud, and that’s cause they’re doin it.

8.) Is it grammatically correct to start a sentence with a number? As in, “8 things make me nervous.”

9.) I’m at work, and the family is British. The tv is on, and it’s on a sports channel. Apparently there’s a horse named Shutthefrontdoor. This makes me really happy, because years ago, my friend Amanda and I tried to start a record label in Olympia, and one of the names we were most fond of was Shut the Front Door Records. Dot com.

10.) I want a cherry limeade. Now I want Buffalo Wild Wings. But not just any Buffalo Wild Wings, I want the sampler plate from the Buffalo Wild Wings on Black Lake Blvd, and I only want to eat it in Sam’s car.

11.) How do you teach a kid to use the toilet to poop in, but also not make him uncomfortable with his body and its functions?

12.) This kid will not stop crying. Nothing for it. Oh wait. No. Trains. Trains made him stop.

13.) It’s also hard to teach kids to respect other bodies.

14.) I miss things about Olympia that I never imagined. I miss intersections that took forever — it meant that I got to watch weird interactions. I had more time to breathe Olympia air during those delays… I should have embraced that a little more. I miss how tall the trees are.
I also miss predictable things. People. The Pig Bar. Work. Music. Babies.

15.) Is Snape really a bad person, or just a bad teacher?