Cameron’s Psalm
In college, I took a Psalms class where we learned about the structures of Psalms and how they were used in their ancient context. Throughout the course, we had to write our own psalms to express our emotions and process the events happening in our lives. It is such a cathartic practice, so I encourage my readers to try this at some point. This psalm is very personal. Not only is this a challening time globally with COVID-19, but also personally, many events have made this season difficult. I hope that sharing some of my personal experiences through this psalm will help comfort others in their seasons of discomfort, confusion, and pain.
“Where, O God, are you?
Do you not hear my cries for help in the desert?
Everything around me seems to be dried up and there is no water near to quench the thirst… the thirst which you have placed in my heart.
For it is you who has given me the capacity for great longing and depth of emotion, unlike those around me. This world is not created for sensitive souls such as mine. No, the world rewards and encourages hardness of heart. Those who can shut off their emotions seem to be just fine, while those of us who simply desire connection seem to be barred from it.
At times, it feels like I am like Job from the Old Testament. What have I done for you to allow this series of events to unfold all at the same time, with almost no break in between one spirit-crushing event to the next?
Confusion is my companion, despair my partner.
Yet, in all the madness, and through all the tears, I hear this steady voice saying: ‘My son, I have not brought you here to just drop you off. You are not alone, you are not abandoned, and you have done nothing wrong. One day this will all make sense. Your pain will turn into rejoicing and your experiences will one day be calming anecdotes to comfort and guide others who walk the same path. Just trust me. Be patient in the process. Glean as much joy as you can each day through constant awareness of the things of which you are grateful. Your tears are not being cried in vain, for this day, yes even this day, has a purpose.’
So I wait. I wait for the comfort that I feel is being promised, and in the meantime I will seek joy and pursue peace.
One day I will look back at this very psalm and rejoice in the fact that this steady voice, this calming voice was you, O God, comforting me in the midst of my pain.
Be faithful and keep your word. You say you did not bring me here to just simply drop me off. Although it feels like the middle of the night, I will wait for the sun to rise on this season. So carry me through it. You’ve done it before, and you will do it again.”
