The Deliberative Theologian
I have so much I want to write about. My journey of faith, where I was, where I’m at now, and everything in-between. I have so much I want to do, ranging from book reviews, political commentaries, and autobiographical blog posts. I do not want to be confined to one type of writing so I won’t be. The problem is that I feel I have no authority to speak on such topics because I still don’t know what I wholeheartedly believe about every issue that I would want to write about within the realm of faith. But isn’t this what it is all about? The wrestling. The questioning. The search.
You may be thinking, “Well why wouldn’t you have authority to speak to issues of faith?” After all, I have a degree from a Christian university, I’ve attended church since before I could walk, talk, or even know what a church was, and have been very serious about faith since I was young. The problem is, the faith that I was taught, those embedded theologies that can still haunt me to this day, are the things I’m wrestling with at this point in my journey.
Thankfully, I have had many people in my life who have guided me to where I stand today. Although I am thankful for them, many people that have impacted my journey in person, through podcasts, books, and other forms of media have seemed to have come to a conclusion about their stances on most issues. It appears that, although their journey wasn’t over, they had already completed the hard work of deconstructing their faith and reconstructing it into something meaningful for their lives. The fact that I am in the middle of that process makes me feel that I shouldn’t write, but the thing is, maybe someone needs my words. Maybe someone needs to see the struggle that is deconstruction. Perhaps someone doesn’t need to hear from a person who has already done the majority of the work toward spiritual freedom, but from someone who is in the thick of it themselves.
Something that I have highly valued and which drives my life and writing is the importance of understanding what I believe and why I believe it. For too many years I just inherited what I was taught from my family, my church, and my own intake of media, that I became blind to what I really believed. I never took the time to deliberate my beliefs and analyze them to see if they really lined up with what Jesus would stand for. As I get older, I am seeing more and more the importance of deliberative theology (the work of challenging what one has always been taught). Many people have been hurt by others in the church who haven’t wrestled with their theology enough to know why they believe what they believe. I want that to end. This is the work of the deliberative theologian, to actively and intentionally challenge one’s closely held beliefs by seriously taking in and analyzing other points of view in order to live in such a way that results in a life of love, compassion, and empathy.
One thing that holds me back from writing, though, is that I am a perfectionist. I want this to be perfect. I feel so unorganized writing this, which honestly drives me absolutely crazy, but I feel that if I procrastinate any longer, I will be missing out on a movement that I am seeing impacting the church in a huge way. I don’t want to just sit on the sidelines and wait while I analyze everything. I want to write what I am analyzing, processing, and deliberating in real time. I have deconstructed many things so far, which I can explain later, but I have definitely not begun the process of reconstruction. However, this is where the beauty lies; in the honest words of a person grappling with faith and what it means to be human.
I think people need to see this process in real time. Of course, the way I analyze and think about things isn’t going to be representative of everyone’s faith journey. I can only write from my experiences, my thought processes, and my observations.
I want to call us to a place that moves beyond complacency with what we have always been taught. I want to call us to be deliberative theologians. I know it is scary to challenge closely held beliefs. Horrifying, actually. What if we are wrong about some things? Yep, that’s going to happen. What if we mess up? That too. This, my friends, is the fate of a deliberative theologian. Let us move beyond our safe pews and do the hard work of digging deep to find what it is we truly believe and why, because until we do, we are in danger of living a life without passion, purpose, or impact. When we do the hard work of finding what we truly believe and why, we can better understand ourselves and others. When we take the time to hear other points of view, we can discover a world of freedom; freedom to love others as ourselves. That really is our purpose, isn’t it? Deliberative theology sets off a chain of events that leads to a better world. When we begin deliberating our theology, we start being open to understanding and believing other points of view, which then frees us to pursue our purpose of loving others, which finally allows us to impact the world leaving it better than when we found it. So, will you join me? We’re all theologians… will you choose to be a deliberative one?
