A Quiet Night In

Image Credit: Nathan O’Nion

April sprawled out on the living room couch, a can of cheap beer in one hand, a worn-out bra in the other. A t-shirt was on the floor crumpled around a dollar and seventy some-odd cents in change. She could have spent the week’s final twenty-four dollars on a new undergarment, one without an underwire jamming into her tits all day, but Tina was very specific in what she wanted. April’s roommate had a special night planned and such occasions required a finer quality of beverage. So, with two large, expensive bottles of Chimay chilling in the fridge, April laid out, sipped the last of the cheap stuff and watched the door. And waited.


Hours later, the door finally opened. Tina had arrived. April jumped straight up off the couch and ran to meet her at the dining table.

“It’s about time!”

“Hello to you, too.”

“I’m just so excited to see you, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh.” Tina returned a knowing smirk while readying the table for dinner.


And I’m excited for whatever is in those bags, making that luscious smell.”

Upon entering, Tina had placed three large brown take out bags on the kitchen counter, each one totally incapable of keeping the sweet smell of meat and heaven contained within.

“Well, since you asked, bag number one contains bourbon liver pate, Algerian Kefta and a fresh baguette. Bag number two contains pan-seared filet pinwheels drizzled in an ancho chili glaze, then stuffed with Savoy spinach and Persian feta cheese.”

April, practically salivating, imagined herself tearing into every dish, bite by ravenous bite. The very thought of all the red, rare juices about to be streaming down her chin produced an orgasmic shudder.

“And in bag number three, dessert. Which I think I’ll keep secret — ”

“No!” April screamed, “Please tell me. You must!”

April could barely move, frozen with anticipation, eyes locked onto Tina’s satisfying smile.

“…Until after I get a fancy beer. A girl gets thirsty doing all this work.”

“Yes, of course, Tin.” April quickly pulled a chilled glass goblet from the freezer. She opened one of the cold Chimay bottles and poured the foamy brown ale as she walked to Tina’s side of the table. “As you requested. Now, about that secret…”

“Sweetbread.” Tina took a long sip and gave April a wink. “Columbia educated.”

April planted a soft, wet kiss onto her best friend’s cheek. “I love you, Tin. You are so good to me.”

“You’re going to want to put a shirt on, my heart. This one’s going to get messy.”


The women sat down to dinner and, as expected, the meal was beyond delicious. Almost unbelievable, certainly among the best Tina had ever prepared. Three bites in and April was desperate to hear all about the preparation.

“Please, Tin, you have to tell me where you got this. I can’t believe how amazing this tastes. You are a food Goddess!”

Tina laughed at the excited compliment. “Thank you, love. The veggies come from that cute little organic shop on 104th Street. The meat and liver is locally sourced, too, from what I think I am going to start calling Tinder Farms.”

“Tinder? Really? You’ve never tried an app before. I thought you were all about the hunt.”

“I know, I am, but it was so quick! Like ordering off a menu, really. He wasn’t great looking, but lived nearby, Ivy league school, health nut. Lots of lean muscle.”

“Hmm, yeah, he does taste like a vegan. Pescatarian, maybe. But definitely free-range fit.”

“Certified or-fucking-ganic,” Tina blurted. They began to laugh hysterically. “Bit of an asshole, too. Lots of right-wing, ‘Men’s Rights’ code words in the profile. I think that’s why I picked him. Jerks always taste the best. So we went out for a special drink. And when he started getting woozy, I guided him back to the safe space. Too bad he didn’t live long enough to see the irony.”

April smiled wide and stared into the big blue eyes of someone she loved, someone just like her.

She was the luckiest girl in the whole damn world.