The Fat Indian Girl (#11)
What’s the next level for you?
Weekends for people who do not enjoy their jobs are like finding an oasis in a desert — it’s discovered after a long thirsty walk, but when it comes, instead of revelling in it, and enjoying all the free water, all you want to do is lie under the palm tree and form your own civilisation there.
This is what Meera does during the course of her weekends. She sleeps in her bed, avoiding the world, reads her favourite books, watches world cinema and works on her movie script (sometimes, rarely). She wishes she could live her weekend life throughout the week, then she realises she can, but she’s too scared to quit her job. Even after working at an accounting firm for more than a year now, she’s not sure she knows how to do her job properly and if she quits, she’s scared nobody will hire her again.
This Saturday, Meera’s artsy friend Ruhi is taking her to a fancy book launch. Ruhi works as a copy editor at a major publishing house in Mumbai, thanks to the cushy job she often gets invited to literary and filmy events. Ruhi has been selling this party to Meera since a week now — it’s the book launch of a famous author whose book rights are purchased by Bollywood directors, even before she starts writing the books. It almost feels like she writes books so they can be made into Hindi movies. Meera is not a big fan of the author but she admires the fact that she’s doing what she loves.
Of late Meera has been feeling both jealous and in awe of people who know exactly what they want to do and go ahead and actually do it.
Ruhi picks Meera up at sharp eight. Ruhi is Buddhist, a total teetotaller and a vegan. The OM tattoo on her back is a significant indication of her spiritual outlook to life, however, she does not hesitate from using cuss words ever so often, she thinks God does not judge people on looks or words, it’s only actions and intentions that matter.
Meera sort of agrees with this philosophy but she thinks the main reason why people should not be judged based on looks or words is that, most people are not as good as they look, never do what they say or mean what they do. So why believe their deceiving appearances and get hurt right?
The book launch is at a bungalow hired specifically for the launch party, it is in a remote suburban area, which is two hours away from where Ruhi and Meera live. They reach the venue at around ten. There are an assorted group of people at the event. The intellectuals are tightly holding onto their champagne glasses and animately debating one political event or another. The host is greeting everyone with a long monologue about how this book is going to bring a revolution to Indian literature. The PYTs and Hunks are dancing to Bollywood music in another area of the bungalow. The stoners are scattered on the lawn, completely living in the now, espousing zen culture.
Ruhi finds herself gravitating towards the peace-loving stoners, she asks Meera to join her but Meera politely declines. She is more interested in talking to a few film people, especially scriptwriters. She wants to know how they finally managed to get their work out there. She is walking on the sidelines, eavesdropping on conversations, passing from one group to another, hoping she will catch somebody talking about scripts and then approach them. She is also gulping down one glass of wine after another so that she feels confident enough to approach a filmmaker when she finds one. Who knows, she may find herself a mentor tonight.
After about forty minutes of spying, Meera gets tired, she does not hear anybody talking of movies and scripts. She sits down at a cabana which is close enough to be able to spot and hear Ruhi, who is lying down on the lawn and discussing the existence of an esoteric power that surrounds us all, with a boy who has shoulder-length hair, tied in a ponytail, a big arm tattoo and a nose piercing, which Meera finds both intimidating and fascinating.
Meera listens to their conversation for a while and then looks up at the sky, waiting for the esoteric presence to show up and give her some direction in life. When nothing happens, she gets bored and starts playing a word game on the phone, she is on level four when she hears a heavy male voice from behind her say, “Do you mind if I sit here?”
“Sure, no problem,” says Meera and looks up to see who she’s talking to.
It’s a bespectacled man with a receding hairline, he looks like he’s in his early thirties.
“Hi I am Hariharan Tiwari”
“Hey, Meera Patel,” says Meera and shakes his hand. She goes back to playing her game. She assumes this man is just tired from all the drinking and dancing, so he wants to sit here and rest, considering how most tables are taken and are just so crowded and noisy. After about a minute, something about this man strikes Meera — Hariharan Tiwari, oh my god! This is Hariharan Tiwari, the famous filmmaker, who has written and directed one of her favourite indie movie, the truth about love — a small budget movie about a dysfunctional relationship between two people who are average in every aspect except they love each other. The movie won a lot of critical fame and was declared a sleeper hit, but for Meera, it was the best film made in the history of time.
Meera cannot believe her luck, what she was trying to find has found her, just like that, she looks up at the sky and smiles, maybe that esoteric power does exist, thank you, she says to it, in her head.
Meera shoves her phone away and starts smiling at Hariharan, hoping he starts a conversation, because wined up or not, she is still a little star-struck.
Hariharan is holding onto his glass of whiskey like a precious treasure and staring at the gate of the bungalow with a lost expression, he does not notice Meera smiling at him. Meera is slightly disappointed but the wine she’s been drinking is making her feel a little more confident, she decides to talk to him.
“So, your movie, the truth about love, I love it. I have seen it a million times”
“Oh!” he says, lazily averting his gaze from the gate and forcing himself to focus his eyes on the person who’s addressing him. “What do you like so much about the movie?”
“I like the fact that love is not glorified in the movie, the hero is not the most powerful man on this planet and the heroine, not the most beautiful. In fact, they both have some really bad qualities that make them unlikely candidates for finding love, yet they find beauty and solace in one another.”
What Meera says piques Hariharan’s interest. Initially, he thought she was just one of those few people trying to talk to him because he was slightly famous, now it seems like she genuinely understands and is interested in his work. He decides to prod further.
“Oh, but don’t you feel like the movie was too sad like there should have been more magical moments happening in a movie made about love?”
“No, I don’t think love is only excitement and magic, in fact, love is testing and trying. Love is like molten lava and we are metals, it transforms us you know, but not without burning us completely.” Meera explains a little shyly, she is shocked that she is expressing such thoughts so easily, maybe it’s the wine or just that she is talking to somebody who understands such intense feelings.
“Nice line, I’ll use it in my next movie.” Hariharan jokes and raises his glass in a mock toast.
Meera laughs and starts blushing, she is feeling embarrassed, she decides to change the topic quickly “It’s been a while, why haven’t you made something else?” she says.
“That’s the problem, that’s why I am here. I don’t know what has happened. I know I want to make another movie. I know I want to go through the process of writing the first draft, re-writing, then choosing the perfect cast, dreaming up the looks for the characters and choosing locations that make my story come alive. I want to do it again but I just cannot seem to start. Maybe I’m scared I won’t be able to replicate the success of the truth about love. Or I am out of ideas. I don’t know what is it, but I feel really stuck.”
Meera listens, not knowing what to say. She understands what it feels like being stuck, she has been feeling like that since a while, but he is successful, he is at a place where she wants to be in life — out with her first movie and enjoying it being a roaring success. Why was he feeling exactly like her then?
Since Meera does not interrupt Hariharan or reply at the end of his monologue, he continues
“I don’t go out anymore. I just stay at home in bed. Today I had to come here because my agent told me if I stop networking, I will lose all relevance in the industry but what is the point of networking when I have no idea about what I want to promote. I feel extremely depressed which is weird because when I had nothing, I wasn’t depressed. Now I have made a lot of money through the truth about love, I bought a new house even. Instead of feeling joyful, all I want to do is sleep in my fancy bed. Maybe because I know what I want to do next and I am not able to do it, that’s what’s killing me”
“Yes, I get it, even I feel that way, I feel like I am not being able to live a life that’s true to myself,” says Meera.
“So what do you want to do that you’re not doing?” asks Hariharan
“Be like you”, replies Meera with a lopsided grin.
They both start laughing and then get really quiet and start to stare at the ornate gate of the bungalow, together. Each hoping they find the courage to go to the next level in the game of life, soon!
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