How to Turn on a Sink
The fast and easy way
Turning on sinks are the bane of everyone’s life. The physical effort of reaching out and turning the knob/handle, how tiring. Scientists have calculated the average person spends about 6 months of their life turning on and off sinks. More on that here. Luckily we are here to provide you with a more simple option.
- Must have a large kitchen.
- Must have some do-it-yourself experience.
- Must have a 100th floor apartment.
You push pile of cans, which falls into a pot, causing the pot, which is balanced on a string, to fall, the string, no longer taut, releases its hold on a potted plant, which falls onto the floor. On impact, the plant pot shatters and frightens a sleeping hamster on a hamster wheel. Hamster then awakes and runs in fear. Hamster wheel turns and acts as a generator, which powers a fan, which blows some paper across room, which disrupts a card tower, knocking the card tower over. In rage, the card tower creator grabs table and throws a table out window. Table falls onto street, causing multiple car crashes. Fire trucks, ambulances, and police cars arrive, sirens blaring, waking up housekeeper, who stretches and yawns, pulling string, which pulls the tail of a cat, which knocks over chess pieces. The chess players, one of which was about to win, kicks (another) table leg, which breaks, which spills a vat of molten ice cream, which starts a small fire. The second chess player, seeing fire, runs to try and get a fire extinguisher, which is only on the bottom floor. (You are on the top floor of a hundred floor building) The second chess player trips on 94th floor stairwell, and rolls down the next 93 flights of stairs. The second chess player trips someone on his unlucky way down. The tripped person’s bag gets flung onto a scale, upsetting balance rapidly, causing the small weight on alternate end of scale, to fly up and break a window, this time setting off a burglar alarm. A burglar gets frightened, and runs away, tripping on a trip wire. Trip wire turns on a fan with a glass cup on top of one of the blades. The glass cup falls off the fan and breaks. A motion sensing camera pointing at the floor senses cup breaking which then triggers a hidden fire extinguisher pointing into an iguana’s cage. The iguana who is frightened, runs at the door of the cage, smashing it open. The door hits a button on its way down which triggers a pencil sharpener which sharpens pencils. One of the pencils flies up and impales somebody’s marble sculpture, the sculptor, kicks the sculpture. The sculptor, now with a stubbed toe, hobbles into another room where the door automatically closes and locks itself. The sculptor starts to yell for help. The yells are picked up by a sound level meter, which sends a signal to a computer which turns on the Di-hydrogen oxide sprinklers outside. Di-hydrogen oxide sprinklers sprinkle Di-hydrogen oxide onto plants and a Di-hydrogen oxide detector. Di-hydrogen oxide detector triggers elevator which brings up 999999 ping pong balls to the top floor. The ping pong balls pour all over the floor, most going down the stairwell. A ping-pong ball lands in a cup on the 94th floor, upsetting a scale, which moves a stick, causing a weight to fall, pulling a string, which is tied to the handle of the sink. The handle of the sink gets pulled, causing sink to turn on!
No animals or people were harmed in the testing of this article.