Researchers Calculate Snowball’s Chance in Hell to be 1 in 13 Million

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The researchers still wonder why it survived

OXFORD, ENGLAND- Researchers at Oxford University have discovered that a snowball’s chance in Hell is less than 1 in 13 million. Using toaster ovens and watch timers, this advanced team discovered that a snowball is basically screwed if it gets sent to Hell. The snowballs were placed on the toaster oven rack at 400° Fahrenheit to simulate the afterlife. On average, a snowball only lasted 0.6782345 seconds before “wetting it’s pants,” says researcher Jon Trafton. Of the 13 million snowballs tested, only one snowball survived. The snowball was removed and measured with a plastic measuring tape for no reason. “It is just fun,” says Jay Feldspar, the researcher that led the measuring.

This study has greatly lessened the population of snowballs in warmer climates like Hawaii and Mexico. “They’ve [the snowballs] have all moved to place like Alaska and the Arctic.

Originally published on September 13, 2016.