The Economics Of Dish Towels

EditChap
EditChap
Nov 9, 2017 · 2 min read
This object simply sits in the background, and controls us all Photo: Francesca Hotchin / Unsplash
  1. Don’t buy dishtowels. Since dishtowels are all made by armies or under-paid children in Australia, they make so many dishtowels that buying them all or burning the stores down is not an option. You have to try to hide. You must make your mind free.
  2. Go to the dish towel headquarters. To do this, It is generally good to take an Uber, but sometimes airplanes are necessary. If so, do not take Dish Towel Airlines, for they will make you eat more dish towels, controlling you yet more.
  3. Kidnap all the dish towel executives. This will crumble their regime, and no longer will they be able to control us all. To kill all the executives, you will need are a few nuclear bombs. If you don’t have enough money to buy them, there are some great DIY nuclear bomb building articles online.

After all this, you have successfully toppled the tower of towels before us all, and no more will we be controlled by dish towels. Before I leave, if you are still skeptical of my message, then I have more proof. The government is controlling you with dishtowels, so you don’t believe me. If what I said was false, the what other reason would you have not to believe me. None. The only reason you don’t believe me is the dishtowels controlling your mind.

The Faux Report

Unencumbered by the Truth

EditChap

Written by

EditChap

The Faux Report

Unencumbered by the Truth