The Economics Of Dish Towels

This object simply sits in the background, and controls us all Photo: Francesca Hotchin / Unsplash

Dish towels are very important to the economy. Everybody has them, and everybody uses them. Whether it’s to dry a dish, as a dish, or as a towel to wash dishes. To buy dish towels, everybody goes to their local dish towel store, but what if it was not that simple? Isn’t it odd that there is an entire store dedicated to the small towels we use every day in every city in america? How do they all stay in business? The answer may shock you. The majority of dish towels are actually not made for any of the purposes I previously mentioned, but are actually tools to suppress the minds of the populous. People, you must know the truth. There is a little-known chemical that is sprayed on the dish towels during manufacturing that is released every time you use the towel. The chemical is designed to make you more subservient to the wishes of the government. Soon, everyone will be under the control of the dish towel companies! Do not panic! There is a way to stop this. All you need to do is follow these three easy steps:

  1. Don’t buy dishtowels. Since dishtowels are all made by armies or under-paid children in Australia, they make so many dishtowels that buying them all or burning the stores down is not an option. You have to try to hide. You must make your mind free.
  2. Go to the dish towel headquarters. To do this, It is generally good to take an Uber, but sometimes airplanes are necessary. If so, do not take Dish Towel Airlines, for they will make you eat more dish towels, controlling you yet more.
  3. Kidnap all the dish towel executives. This will crumble their regime, and no longer will they be able to control us all. To kill all the executives, you will need are a few nuclear bombs. If you don’t have enough money to buy them, there are some great DIY nuclear bomb building articles online.

After all this, you have successfully toppled the tower of towels before us all, and no more will we be controlled by dish towels. Before I leave, if you are still skeptical of my message, then I have more proof. The government is controlling you with dishtowels, so you don’t believe me. If what I said was false, the what other reason would you have not to believe me. None. The only reason you don’t believe me is the dishtowels controlling your mind.