Competition Between Friends and the 4 Stages to Getting Over It
Submitted by Ritsema Jemide
Stage 1: Hatorade
Normally, I’m such a hater. I get insecure and feel like I’m lagging “behind” people already doing what I want to do. I pick their work apart, looking for all the flaws and going on about how I would do it much better.
Some hatorade for ya girl? I think yes!
I really struggled recently, I was constantly comparing myself to a friend and thinking less of myself because she was dominating a niche that I have an interest in. I wanted desperately to be acknowledged for this same skill. So I decided to ask for her help in expanding my understanding, all in the misguided attempt to get ahead.
The funny thing is, I know it’s something God wants for me, I just don’t know when or how. But in my blind quest for my own glory, I went ahead of myself, instead of prioritising the glory of One.
God was gracious to realign me and draw me back to him. Once I stopped trying to elevate my status, I could finally see the possibility of something that hadn’t crossed my mind in a long time; collaboration.
I was humbled and I realised my pride in ignoring the beauty of coming together and building strength through unity, instead of trying to do it all on my own.
As I desire God’s glory more than my own I can focus on what I am charged with and collaborate, to his heart's desire. Not to elevate myself but to fulfil His purpose on earth.
Stage 2: Collaboration
Collaboration, especially in the long term, is definitely possible when we understand and have come to terms with a few key things.
Firstly, the fact that we will always lack in certain areas, and that’s okay. This is a chance for us to seek strength through teamwork. I’m learning that it takes humility to learn from and lean on one another, to admit our shortcomings and our needs, especially when you think you know it all and have no need for another. What is good for the team is good for the dream, hence what is good for the team is good for you!
Secondly, “Jesus must become greater and greater, and we must become less and less.” — John 3.30 NLT. When our goals are bigger than us, we are fully satisfied in seeing Jesus glorified, we rejoice when he is elevated, no matter the means or the vessel. When we are seeking self-gratification we will quickly become insecure, comparing ourselves to and competing with others.
Stage 3: Prayer
I heard something once; pray for those that make you feel insecure. The Holy Spirit’s reminder that prayer changes the posture of my heart.
Now, when the threat of another’s success, tempts me to focus on my glory, I say a prayer for them, I pray the heart of God over their lives, replacing the need for status with the humble love of Christ.
My focus shifts from being the one who did it first, the only one who did it or being the best at it, to Jesus.
“He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less”.
As I battle my insecurities with the Holy Spirit by my side, I have a confident hope that one day I will look upon my brothers and sisters with a genuine ability to appreciate the treasure within them, because I have valued the Lord’s glory above my own, and cared for the treasure within me.
Stage 4: Over it
Am I a hater?
Unfortunately, I so am.
But the good news is, Jesus is a lover, and He is transforming me from the inside out.
