50. Friday

“Why are you still here?” I’m sitting with Tami, enjoying lunch at our favorite little bistro a few minutes walk from the office. 
Tami ponders for a minute. “I think it’s because this job is my security. It’s the one thing that’s been my constant for so long. I’ve had so many ups and downs with the men in my life. And kids take all of your energy and strength; it was something new all the time. I’ve never wanted to change jobs because it was the one thing I knew well, it never changes. Plus I like the people.” She grins. “It’s comfortable.” 
I nod. It makes sense. I could probably say the same thing. 
“Are you thinking of leaving?” she eyes me warily. 
I don’t answer right away. I can’t, really. Because I don’t know what I want at this point. 
I laugh. “You know, I don’t know. I applied for Charley’s old position. It was almost expected of me to do so. And Craig caught me off guard one day, told me he’d get all the paperwork ready. He said I’d be good at it. So I let him handle it all, I just approved it and sent it on its way. But now, I don’t know.”
Did I want this new position? Did I want the added responsibility? The pay would be great. But to do what Charley used to do? It didn’t peak my interest. Just more of what I was doing, only in a deeper and higher risk way. 
“Jake’s changed you, hasn’t he?”
I jump at her statement. “Why?”
She laughs and moves her hand over mine, squeezing it for a second. “That’s not a bad thing. I didn’t mean it negatively. I just see you opening up, changing, not being quite so concerned about the precision that used to dictate your life. You’re … “ 
She paused for a moment trying to come up with the right word. “Freer. It’s a good look on you.”
If I could open up my life and let a guy inside, what else could I change?

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This is part of my experiment to write a romance novel by writing one chapter a day for 365 days. Read more about it here.