How Rage can ruin all your chances of succeeding in life.

Dealing with anger in the best way possible.

I have had issues with anger for along time. I would lash out at anyone if I see a threat coming. It was the worst kind of feeling after. I am usually a nice guy, but when I saw that “attack” coming, I would go all out, guns blazing. Its an involuntary reaction that comes from an age old act of being oppressed by bullies, and enduring lots of name-calling from teachers and classmates and some people in the street.

Although anger has let me get it all out, feel much lighter, and sometimes even put arrogant people in their place, I recently realized that anger is the worst thing one could have in himself/herself.

Anger is the opposite of rationality.

As an aspiring …well an aspiring anything, one must know how to suppress their anger, or eliminate it completely, using a rational and mindful approach towards things. Anger is a great driver when it comes to fighting and working out, but otherwise, it does nothing but torch out all the rationality that could have solved a situation. Unlike what they show in the movies, people don’t get angry just because they’re assholes or they have something happened in the past that has bruised them for life. Even nice people get angry. The sweetest of people will lash out at you when you hit their soft spot. The most rational people will get angry when you say the right thing that aggravates them.

The Soft Spot

Everyone has some area in their head that they don’t want anyone to mess with. So in this new digital age, no matter how much we claim to be tolerant, if we often lash out at someone, we are all taking offense, on some level or another. Whether its our ego that takes offense, or its our sentiments, or our pride. Every person has a soft spot. And soft spots come from past experiences that have left us uncomfortable, or has made that very experience undesirable to us, so anger is the best defense mechanism, when we see that experience approaching.

For example, I have been bullied in school before. I’ve had my voice oppressed by those who were favorites or those who “think” they were better than everyone. Resulting in, me taking offense to anyone who tries to boss me, or someone else around. I don’t like people who don’t have an ounce of humility.

So I immediately lash out at someone who tries to oppress me or someone around me for no reason. Now the problem with that, is that the person might not be doing anything wrong, he might not even be thinking of doing something like that, but my perception catches on to a familiar pattern, maybe its his tone of voice, or his mannerisms and body-language, or just a mere misunderstanding of his words, to trigger an involuntary response, which is a defensive mechanism of lashing out. This is where I become the bad guy. This is where my rationality is oppressed by my anger.

Unecessary Infatuation with conflict.

Humans love conflict. People love hating something and loving something. The world for them would be a much simpler place if everything was black and white. Like they show in the movies. If someone is bad, He is BAD. Every cell in his body works towards building up his tyranny. If someone is good, he is the Mr. nice guy, and he will always stay that way. He can make no mistakes. If he does, we, lose faith in him.

Humans have always loved conflict. Watching reality shows and boxing matches is the topmost form of entertainment, because conflict infuriates people. They’re fight becomes our fight. We relate to it. We take offense to what doesn’t agree with our beliefs. And that is how humans go looking for reasons to get angry. That is how riots happen. That is how office politics takes place. And that is how terrorism happens. People pull themselves to an position of extremism, because they are angry about something. Without having the slightest consideration for the guy on the other side of the wall, we throw bricks and stones till we literally kill him, regardless of his disposition.

Anger never solves any problems. All it does it is break things. That is why it is irrational behavior. Getting angry only makes you think about your sentiments, but not the situation as a whole. “I’m furious because he said this” or “I’m pissed off because she did that”. We get angry and pissed off without even considering what that person really did and why he really did what he did. News channels are cashing in on people getting angry every second. Broadcasting news that only aggravates people or makes them hold grudges against an individual, a politician or even a film star. Nobody knows why they said what they said. Nobody knows what series of events caused whatever has aggravated you. News channels are a mere interpretation of what has happened. Unless the offender in question comes to you and tells you what he said and why he said it himself, You will never know the entire truth. You will be infuriated at something that seems to be that way, but maybe it isn’t.

The Cure: Mindfulness

“Think about what you’re thinking about”

This is the one piece of advice that is the most invaluable for anyone and anyone who wants to live a happy life. Evaluating your thoughts.

Not just once, but on the fly. Thinking about what you would say or do milliseconds before saying or doing it. This can save you lots of time, and lots of regret. Anger can be truly cured by mindfulness. Thinking about the situation. What is the person in front of you really saying? Does he mean that or is he hurt? Does this person really mean something to you? Does this person hurt you often? Does this person love putting you down? If yes, then is there a better way to deal with him rather than lashing out? Mindfulness is what nurtures the rational mind, and not the primitive mind. Anger is a response , among many others. You can always evaluate your actions and save yourself from a whole world of trouble.