Leading With Heart (How Women Will Rise)

Radical self-acceptance and self-compassion are the basis for creating powerful change in our lived experience.

Few of us were instilled with a strong sense of our own intrinsic value. We learned early to compare ourselves to others, to become shape-shifters and people-pleasers. We’ve become experts at being someone else, an idealized version of ourselves who does not actually exist. We spend our days often being anyone but who we are.

Our culture has normalized jealousy and taught us to compete with each other. We pride ourselves on rugged individualism, even when we see it doesn’t work very well to get us where we really want to be. We exhaust ourselves pushing the boulder up the mountain. Alone. Again.

But what if it were different? What if you knew — really knew in your bones — that you are enough? That you — and everyone — were valuable just because you are?

What if we exchanged the toxicity of comparison for the healing that compassion brings? What if we, bound by a common goal for the good of many, pushed that boulder together?

What would a culture of radical self-acceptance and self-compassion even look like? How might we accept others at home, at work, or on the street if we knew how to accept ourselves for who we are, imperfect though we may be?

And could we paint the entire world in rainbows of light and love if compassion and kindness were practiced daily, to all, regardless of our perceived differences? Can you imagine for a moment, what that might feel like? To feel reverence where now you feel fear? To feel peace rather than judgment?

Can you imagine the ripple effect we might create by embracing the revolutionary acts of radical self-acceptance and self-compassion?

I can. And I invite you to the cause, for women in numbers are a force to be reckoned with.

Self-awareness is a cornerstone of leadership.

Initially, true leadership is honed internally. We must learn to lead ourselves if we are to be effective, inspiring, or transformative leaders. Change begins with us and within us. And it is shaped by our maturing self-awareness.

Of course, our self-awareness hinges upon a practice of radical self-acceptance. Self-awareness isn’t about only seeing our best attributes. We have to be able to look at the parts of us we don’t like, or are even afraid of. And we need to bear witness to the often faulty internal programs we have been conscripted to.

We need to see all of it, and radical self-acceptance allows us to (re)integrate ourselves into a compassionate whole, and to be able to step into effective leadership.

In addition to people pleasing, jealousy, and competition, examples of these faulty programs are many: wearing masks for self-preservation in the home and/or workplace, wielding power over others (instead of standing in your power), profit over people, and personal gain at the expense of others or our shared environment.

Only when we can finally see that we are operating under programs that don’t serve our work, our society, our planet, or our highest good are we uniquely positioned to make the greatest change. We can’t change the program that we can’t see.

As our self-awareness progresses, and our confidence and comfort level with ourselves increases, we learn to make better decisions. And we learn to better trust our decisions. Greater personal awareness allows for us to maneuver through the areas that used to trip us up. This is how leaders evolve.

And evolve we must. Here’s why.

The paradigms within which we all have been operating are cracking under the scrutiny arising out of increasing personal and cultural awareness. Once woke, we can’t go back under the rock, back into the shadows. Movements like #metoo and #NunsToo are here to stay. There’s no going back, no matter how uncertain the forward direction may appear at times.

A massive shift is underway as the pendulum swings away from the masculine ways of operating (manifest destiny, power over, competition, vulnerability as weakness) and towards the more feminine ways of operating (cooperation, sharing, active listening, vulnerability as the basis of trust and connection).

Keep in mind, this has nothing to do with individual men and women, all of whom share masculine and feminine traits. This is about a perspectival shift from one cultural mode of operation to another.

As effective and transformative leaders, we are learning to embrace and insist upon collaboration over competition, resulting in shifts in productivity, shifts in morale, and shifts in how we relate to one another. It’s important to remember that in order to collaborate effectively, we need to feel secure and worthy. We need to practice radical self-acceptance.

We are a culture starved for true interpersonal connection. Thankfully, we are collectively unlearning that vulnerability equates to weakness. We are dying to be seen and heard and we are learning that vulnerability is the way forward, even though it feels scary as hell sometimes.

Women are today’s and tomorrow’s heroic leaders.

You don’t have to go far off the interpreted path to find yourself in very difficult situations. The courage to face the trials and to bring a whole new body of possibilities into the field of interpreted experience for other people to experience — that is the hero’s deed.

– Joseph Campbell

This shift to a more feminine cultural model is an invitation for women to shine as leaders, to step forward, and to lead with courage and heart.

It begins with us leading ourselves, practicing radical self-acceptance, and embracing a growth mindset as it relates to personal awareness. It calls on us to be able to make brave decisions that go against the fading, but still dominant masculine paradigm.

We are called upon to speak up and advocate for the good of the collective, for those less fortunate than us, for those without a voice, and for the planet. Stepping into this unknown requires grit, integrity, and most certainly the support of our tribe.

The ‘field of interpreted experience’ that Campbell speaks of is the future that awaits all of us. And as women leaders, we get to choose what that future will look like. With compassion at our center, we can co-create, repair, and redirect. We have way more power to affect change than we may realize.

In no uncertain terms, every single one of us is being called to step forth into the light. The good news is there’s room for everyone to flourish in this space.

You can read more about radical self-acceptance, self-compassion, shame, and leadership at www.annemklint.com.