A Pie for the Ages
By Jared Smith
Let me tell you about a legendary pie that was forged in the ovens of Thanksgiving nearly eleven years ago. It started with Thanksgiving in Las Vegas. My family was visiting Grandpa and Grandma Smith’s home, where nearly all of the eight kids and their families were visiting. The large kitchen was filled with a flurry of kneading, chopping, and whisking. Uncle Dan and his brother, Chris, weren’t necessarily the chefs of the family, but this year they were hit with a stroke of pure genius. Returning from the local Walmart with bags of Reeses, snickers, and peanut butter, they laid out an Oreo cookie crumb pie crust and got to work.
First, they laid a layer of creamy peanut butter down on the pie tin and filled it with Christmas tree Reese’s cups. After adding multiple other candy bars and toffee bits, they put this delectable mess of diabetes into the oven and let it properly melt. Once the chocolatey goodness had turned to a bubbling goop, they pulled it out, let it cool, and applied a healthy coat of cool whip. Upon finishing their creation, Dan and Chris dubbed their pie with an appropriate name: the “Cardiac-Arrest.”
The cousins and I, all of us either in our early teens or younger, were captivated by this incredible creation. It was Halloween in a pie tin, filled with caloric glory. Once Thanksgiving dessert was served, the “Cardiac-Arrest” didn’t last long (it had to be eaten with a generous portion of ice cream so as to not choke on its thick contents).
My older brother and I were always on the hunt for the most calories, and if you’ve ever been to The Cheesecake Factory, you know from the menu that desserts can pack a lot of calories. At one point, I believe their red velvet cheesecake cake packed a whopping 2,000 calories. While The Cheesecake Factory may be an impressive provider of incredibly high-calorie desserts, the “Cardiac-Arrest” pie may be the highest calorie dessert made for any occasion I’ve attended.
Ever since that fateful day when Dan and Chris created the “Cardiac-Arrest” pie, the tradition has been impressed on the hearts of the young cousins. First led by my older brother, Brayden, and then pioneered by me, and later by my cousin Ben, the Cardiac-Arrest II, III, IV, V, and now simply just the “Cardiac-Arrest” (since we lost count), has been made every year at Thanksgiving.
Many versions of this pie have been created by the cousins. The best of which was essentially a massive Reese’s cup made by my brother (definitely meant to be eaten with ice cream), and the worst of which was covered with gummy worms and filled with one too many types of candy bars. This concoction of sugar and chocolate has become a consistent Smith family tradition. We can only hope that our children will carry on the tradition and then bestow it upon their grandchildren.
