Campus Crush Confessions: Part One
By Abby Hansen
Valentine’s Day may be over, but love is still in the air at Southern Virginia University! The Herald sent out a request for SVU students to anonymously confess their campus crushes, and y’all delivered.
So, without further ado, here is part one of Campus Crush Confessions!
To: “Blonde freshman on the women’s tennis team”
What your secret admirer likes about you: “She’s hot”
How your admirer knows you: “I don’t”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “I don't know her.”
From: “Kobe”
Looks like we’ve got ourselves a Romeo to start off the Crush Confessions. “Blonde” and “hot”, what a way to win a girl over! To whoever “Kobe” is, how do you know your crush is a freshman and plays tennis, but you don’t know her name? Rosters exist buddy…
And to the blonde freshman tennis player this confession is meant for, you can do better.
To: Remly Ryan
What your secret admirer likes about you: “What impresses me most and makes me admire this person is how dedicated she is to everything. She is very dedicated in her classes, work and in Tennis I always hear that she is one of the best on the team and a great teammate. Besides, she seems to be a very sweet and super friendly girl.”
How your admirer knows you: “I saw her a few times on campus and decided to message her on Instagram.”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “I asked her to play pickleball and hang out, but she is too busy with her work schedule and classes. Hopefully after Valentine’s Day we will be able to get to know each other better.”
From: “Brazilian Boy”
Now that’s more like it! See how this admirer has other words besides “hot” to describe his crush. Way to go “Brazilian Boy”.
I’m rooting for you!
To: Everett Leifson
What your secret admirer likes about you: “I like how your smile radiates across the classroom, and how you come to class each day eager to learn. You set such a good example to everyone around, and are truly a disciple of Christ. I like how you are always reading bible verses in class, yes I secretly read them with you. So what do you say, bible study date soon??”
How your admirer knows you: “I am in your class”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “Im scawred (uwu)”
From: “I am in your class”
I was rooting for you until the “uwu”. Please never do that again.
Good luck though!
To: Jocelyn Baker
What your secret admirer likes about you: “I’ll be honest, I don’t really know her much. What I do know is that she is a great musician. I know that she is able to take something seriously and put herself out there and for that she deserves to be recognized for. I know that she kind of looks like sort of like a younger Lindsay Lohan (like in mean girls but with much better hair). At least that was my very first impression of her. I know that she has a secret obsession with ice sculptures. Like she can’t go 3 days without sculpting some crazy intricate castle made of ice. If you hear a chainsaw on campus, that’s probably Jocelyn doing her daily routine (I’m just assuming that last one)(If she did ice sculpting for real I’m sure that’s exactly how great at it she’d be). She just seems to be all around an amazing person.”
How your admirer knows you: “‘Twas but pure coincidence that our paths were intertwined. Pure poetry one might say. Such events rarely happen outside the dream. Doth the truth be told as it were, the winds were brisk at flow and there she was. Before me, she was therefore the most wonderful sight in all the heavens above and below. (Don’t try to make sense of this.)(I am illiterate)(parenthesis)”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “The evil wizard told me I’d die if I did”
From: “One of those guards in those movies where they are guarding the door and a bad guy comes in and the guard gets knocked out immediately with no struggle.”
Yeah, I’m not reading all that. Good luck though!
To: Oli Byrd
What your secret admirer likes about you: “Oli is the love of my life. What a beautiful chocolate man. He lights up my world. He makes svu football games worth going to.”
How your admirer knows you: “I stalk him on a daily basis.”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “My crippling fear of men. Also I will only accept a love like those found on the bachelor.”
From: “The girl next door”
I’m just gonna leave this here: counseling@svu.edu.
Thanks for sticking around to the end of these confessions! Those were…interesting. If you have a crush you want to send in, there is still time! Click here for the chance to be featured in another edition of Campus Crush Confessions. Stay tuned for a part two coming soon!
