Eat, Sleep, and Get Married
(And Tomorrow We’ll Pay Taxes)
By: Tristram Kenworthy
Southern Virginia University, marriage is a frequent occurrence, and many young couples tie the knot each semester.
And since marriage is so relatively common here, it’s important to study two principles of relationships: how to build up your relationship after getting engaged, and how to avoid pitfalls before the big day.
Engaged couple Abbey Kohntopp and Jace Thompson shared their thoughts on life as an “almost-married couple.”
Thompson prefaced his thoughts on building an engaged couple’s relationship with an admonition to go smoothly. “There’s no need to rush into things. There’s no need to suddenly graduate to the masters program,” Thompson said. “It’s a roller coaster ride,” he continued, “but you’re sitting down for the entire thing. You don’t have to make it super complicated.”
Being engaged doesn’t mean you’ve finished growing as a couple, Kohntopp observed. The preparatory period is about becoming your best self amidst the increasing butterflies that come with the job. “You’re going to have to actively try to become the best person you can,” Kohntopp said. “That eternal marriage process, at least for me, starts with the months, weeks leading up to marriage. You want to be moving into that transition before you say I️ do.”
Couples also need to develop secularly. One example of this would be “asking kind of the more serious questions,” Thompson says, about the life as a fiancée and what the future holds. Kids, jobs, school — it’s important to work out a lot of the details before the great ‘I️ do’ moment.
Kohntopp has a similar thought. She feels that engaged couples should: “still try to learn new things about each other,” as part of that secular relationship building process.
Another part of that transition is the development of spiritual habits with your significant other. Thompson and Kohntopp agree that the spirit plays a crucial role in shaping the relationship into a powerful eternal marriage.
They read their scriptures, go to the temple, and attend weekly church meetings as part of that spiritual development.
Michael Gibbons, Southern Virginia’s Dean of Students & Vice President of Student Life, is a licensed psychotherapist and clinical social worker. Gibbons weighed in on the topic of spiritual habits during the almost-married couple life.
“I think its really important that you know that the person that you’re marrying has those personal habits, very important,” said Gibbons. Spiritual habits bring people closer and create a more intimate bond between couples, he added.
Chastity pitfalls exist in the life of engaged couples. About this, Kohntopp said that “first of all, if you haven’t experienced temptation or the influence of the adversary up until your engagement, I️ can promise you that you will feel some aspect of it while you’re engaged.”
The reality of these pitfalls is understood by most. However, in many cases for LDS couples, the nature of these pitfalls may not be as obvious.
Of staying chaste, Gibbons says you should be very cautious about activities that will advance intimacy levels in a relationship more quickly than is healthy. Gibbons warned that “the more close you are and the more intimate you are emotionally before you’re married, the more I’d be concerned that you might be involved sexually before you’re married.”
Physical interaction “shouldn’t be a huge aspect of your relationship,” said Thompson, “but it’s definitely part of it — it’s an important part of it and you shouldn’t demean it.”
Going too far physically before marriage can inhibit blessing that LDS couples want in their eternal relationships.
“The blessings of the temple, the blessings of an eternal family are too great to give up in a split second,” commented Kohntopp.
I️t comes down to the partners in a relationship understanding how to avoid those pitfalls.
“Establishing with your significant other beforehand, how far you’re willing to go and what aspects of that you should avoid is very helpful,” says Thompson.
