Halloween Sucks… Sincerely, Your Community Puritan
By Jared Smith
Call me a Puritan, but I hate Halloween.
Halloween is that one holiday that you always wonder; Why does it exist? Why do we dress up like witches, ghosts, ghouls, and other terrible things every 31st of October? We all have some good memories associated with Halloween, but why are we celebrating these demonic themes?
The tradition of Halloween stems from the ancient Celtic tradition of Samhain–a festival where people would light huge bonfires and dress up to scare away ghosts. Later, the Catholic Church Christianized the holiday and turned it into all souls day, a celebration on November 2. Over the years, this holiday has gradually evolved into our modern-day Halloween. This holiday was born in paganism, floated towards Christianity, and then gradually came back towards paganism. Back then, these people were trying to scare away ghosts, ghouls, and nasty things, but now we celebrate them.
Now, don’t get me wrong, when I was a kid I dressed up as Zorro every Halloween and had as big a sweet tooth as anybody. Since my mom was a health nut and wouldn’t let us eat sugar, I’d hoard as much candy as I possibly could, then hide the massive stash under my bed. So I was quite the fanatic about Halloween as a kid.
However, my perspective has changed, and I really dislike Halloween because of its darker side. Halloween is full of clowns, creepy stuff, movies that make you feel like crap after you watch them, and people walking around everywhere in masks to hide their identity. Why do we justify indulging our morbid curiosities for the sake of tradition? Seems kind of messed up to me.
I know y’all are calling me a hater by now, so maybe I’ll cave and celebrate this October. I’ll probably dress up as a Puritan.
On Halloween, we go from door to door and collect candy from peoples’ homes. The consumption of sweets contributes to the average gaining of 20 pounds of each American between Halloween and New Years. Other than Halloween being a catalyst to the weight gain that affects national health, Halloween presents serious issues regarding personal and societal safety.
Masks for example; there’s something creepy about masks. Indeed, there is something eerie about the unknown element that a mask creates. When someone is wearing a disguise that hides their identity, they are more willing to do things they otherwise might not do, such as commit crimes. The state of Virginia has enacted a law that prohibits wearing masks in public settings in order to conceal identity, but it makes specific provisions for traditional holiday costumes. If there is enough concern to make a law prohibiting masks, we should reconsider the safety of permitting people to wear masks that can conceal their identity. Criminals intentionally wear masks in order to conceal their identity and protect themselves from the effects of the law. Crimes are far more easily committed during Halloween under the guise of masks and mischief. People are more likely to do things they wouldn’t normally do if nobody knows they did it. The clown scares of 2016 are an example of how masks encourage mischievous and dangerous behavior.
In addition to the mask issue, sending children out into dark, random neighborhoods to knock on doors and ask for candy doesn’t seem like a smart thing to do. While most people are friendly, we leave the door open to dangerous individuals with malicious intent.
I am not against some of the enjoyable and safe activities that are part of the traditions of Halloween. There’s nothing wrong with bobbing for apples, dressing up, carving pumpkins, and giving out candy. But, some Halloween traditions contribute to crime, mischief, and a general justification for dark themes that has a negative numbing effect on societal morality.
You might all hate my guts now, but we ought to reconsider our Halloween traditions. Traditions make for a good time, but blindly following them is not always the smartest idea. It’s easy to justify things as harmless or fun if it’s generally accepted as okay. So, think about it.
Turns out October 31 is also National Caramel Apple Day. Most of the good that we get from Halloween really just comes from candy and goodies, so maybe Caramel Apple Day would make a good substitute.
So, consider my claims good people, and have a happy Caramel Apple Day.
